I'm Possible

Sometimes I feel so alone. I know I have wonderful family and friends, I have this network of people whose lives I know about through blogs and I have a supportive base of readers. We're all in this together and I know we are all struggling and having successes together. We say words to pick each other up when the motivation lacks and we all celebrate when things are good. But when it comes to making those choices, we're all alone. We aren't there to hold each others hand and tell each other what to do, it's our inner strength which we rely on and sometimes it's hard and exhausting.

To make this all work for me, it's me that has to get motivated to exercise, it's me that has to make the right food choices, it's me that has to know when enough is enough and it's me that has to put down that fork and step away. No one else can do it for me. It's all me.

This weekend, I was tired. I was unmotivated and I was very ambivalent to my choices. It just seemed like I had had enough of the constant voice in my head saying "do the right thing. is that a good choice? is that the best you can do? if you have *that*, you're going to gain weight." Augh, I was done. Done, done, done. And my weekend was a total bust. I felt guilty most of the weekend, I slept poorly, and I feel very sluggish today.

It was all me. All my choices, all my lack of motivation and I hold myself responsible for it. Even though it was nice to know what was going on, I didn't like it, but did it anyway. I need to remember to be strong, to hang tight and let this weekend go.

My motto this week, and beyond:

It's not Impossible it's I'm Possible.

Do You Want It?

Here's another give-away of sorts, read on.

I've been slowly moving my larger clothes from the dresser to bags which will eventually make their way to a garage sale or a thrift shop. Most of the clothes which are migrating from one place to the next are well worn and quite honestly have seen better days. However, there are pieces here and there which, for some reason, I just never got around to wearing too much. Mainly, I think, because I had my favorites which I was more comfortable in. As I was culling through some more clothes last night, I came across this skirt. I remember buying it on sale at Talbot's a couple weeks before I declared, "That's it. I *have* to lose weight." It fit me at the time but it quickly became to big for me. I must have worn the skirt just a small handful of times.

So, do you want it? If there is anyone who would like it, email me at biggirl65@gmail.com or you can leave me a comment. I'd be happy to send it on to it's next life somewhere else. It's super comfortable, easy to wash/wear and made of of that lovely stretch denim. If there's more than one person interested I'll do a random drawing.

It's hard to see, but it's a size 16 (which I think is a "generous" 16) and the picture makes it look a little darker than it really is.

Ta-Da!

And the winners are...

The ultra fabulous DaDiva's Street. Her biggest day came on the last day where she ticked off 32,780 steps. HOLY MOLY. I sure hope you had someone there to rub down your little tootsies after that long walk.

In second came the wonderful Megan from Journey to a New Me. You should all go over, check out what she's going to be doing in September and support her in her efforts. Looks amazing and talk about accomplishments, wow! Good luck to you.

And the third place stepper is that succulent morsel Allison from Losing It. Miss Allison is looking for a new job so if any of you have any leads for a wonderful journalist, she's the gal.

I also am giving away some piece of jewelry made by your truly so I put all the names in the hat and once again, Allison is the winner, winner, winner. I'll be letting her pick something she wants and getting it to her.

I want to thank everyone for playing along and indulging me in my first contest/give-away. To all the fabulous ladies who participated, you're all good peeps in my book.

The Protein Dilema

It's hard feeding kids. Or at least it's been a challenge lately with The Little Miss. I really try to get her to eat lots of veggies and fruit and offer her a variety of flavors and food options although Mac 'n Cheese reigns supreme in our house and is sadly my go to meal for her. I try and sneak in veggies/protein in there but that doesn't always work. Sometimes I'm just happy that she eats something.

She's great with the fruit, no problem there.

Veggies are another story completely. Sometimes peas are ok, sometimes not. Tomatoes, no. Broccoli, no. Carrots, were in the yes category, now, no. Cucumbers, no. The no list goes on.

And protein. Sheesh... Hamburgers, no. Chicken, sometimes. Steak, no. Hotdogs, no. Beans, sometimes. Tofu, sometimes. Eggs, no. Peanut butter, no.

And when I mean sometimes, I mean maybe a bite, maybe two.. Never a serving size, even a two year old serving size.

She's been getting her main source of protein through her cups of milk.

Bottom line is on a daily basis, she wasn't getting enough protein so I thought I'd try some "protein" bars. She's a happy camper eating them and she gets them occasionally when I feel her diet is really really lacking.

To make a long story even longer, I thought it would be best if I tried the bars to see what they tasted like and oops! I'm kinda in love with them now and I'm a bit confused.

I've been buying ThinkThin bars. I want to believe they're fine to have, but they just taste too good which makes me think they probably fall in the category of "if you think it's too good to be true, then it probably is."

I only have them when I'm super starving or have missed a meal.

Here's the skinny on them. On bar contains:

7 grams of fat
zero grams of sugar
20 grams of protein
27 grams of carbs
2 grams of dietary fiber
140 milligrams of sodium
240 calories

What do you think? Are they ok? What are your thoughts on "protein" bars?

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Also, please stop by and say hello to Susie, she could use our good wishes right now.

August Plan

I'm back into the routine. I'm not so happy about it, but here I am. I have 3 1/2 more weeks of working full-time and right after Labor Day, I start the part time gig. I'm looking forward to not having so much of my life being sucked out of me every single day. Sitting at this place 8 hours a day is not a good thing for me.

I stepped on the scale this morning and ta-da! It still showed the same number as a week ago when I left on vacation. So all in all, not bad. Vacations have been a good excuse for an eating free for all and this time I feel as though I made smarter choices. We were able to eat in a lot, which helped, since we were staying at a friend's vacation home most of the time and when we did go out, I opted for leaner, healthier meals. That's not to say I didn't want the delicious sounding blue cheese, walnut and pear pizza drizzled with balsamic reduction sauce but I just held back and had the grilled blackened chicken sandwich. And yes, just for good measure, I did sneak a slice of The Little Miss' cheese pizza.

Over the next few weeks, I want to be really diligent and see if I can lose a few more pounds in August. And there's a good reason for it. While on vacation, I got a call from my BFF and she and her (super over possessive, creepy boyfriend) are coming out for a quick visit at the end of the month. She lives on the East Coast and I haven't seen her for about a year, way too long in my book but none-the-less, they've bought airline tickets and are heading West. Last time I saw her I was about 20 pounds heavier and not feeling good about myself at all. Ideally, I'd like to lose 5 pounds by the time she gets here but for me, that's a lot. Regardless, here's my plan for the month and I'll shoot high and see what happens:

Walk 3 times M-F and at least one LONG walk on Saturday or Sunday
Be extra diligent in my calorie intake and watch how much I eat
Eat slowly and deliberately
Stop eating before I am full
No sugar
Lots of water

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I have emails in my inbox regarding the Big Girl Big Step Challenge and I promise, promise, promise, I'll have the winners by Friday. If you did participate and haven't emailed me about your results, please do so. biggirl65@gmail.com

By the Numbers

Vacation round-up by the numbers:

7 states I've been in in the last week
1169 miles driven
3 planes taken
4 airports visited
2 hotels we slept in
1 vacation home
0 stops at McDonald's
$4.43 the most we paid for gas
$4.02 the least we paid for gas
3 baseball games attended
3 baseball stadiums visited
1 cowboy BBQ attended (yeah for wranglers!)
7 naps taken
427 pages read in my book
2 movies watched
0 loads of laundry done

It was a great vacation. It was so nice to spend time and have fun with the family. I need to remember this is what life if about. It's relaxing, taking things in stride, having fun and nurturing the relationships that matter.

Trying to Love Again

Three years ago today, I found out I was pregnant. Although I ate well, I also ate for two. I ended up gaining about 35 pounds and my post pregnancy body is very different from the one I had before I got knocked up. I lost most of the baby weight with in the first few months after The Little Miss was snuggled tightly in my arms, and I remember thinking, oh, this isn't so bad, I only have another 5 pounds to go before I'm the same weight pre-pregnancy.

The months turned into years and I never did lose those last 5 pounds, in fact I proceeded to put on about 15 pound over the next 2 years. It's those pounds and a more that I have been recently shedding. I'm now down to below where I was at 3 years ago but my body is different. Much different

I have stretch marks racing across my belly, thighs and breasts. I have a very loose and squishy belly from the weigh gain and as much as I work out I will never have the toned flat belly again. My stomach looks a lot like the picture on the left (the right is post tummy tuck and no, that's not me)

I have lost muscle tone and elasticity, and it will never come back. And I hate it. It's hard for me to look at my stomach in the mirror and hard for me to have my husband look at it let alone touch it.

Buying clothes can be tricky. I look for baby doll style tops but I have to be careful they don't make me look pregnant. I wear lots of long tops to cover the belly and regardless of what I do, it is impossible to disguise the extra weight in my belly.

Having to hide and be embarrassed about my belly is awful. It's so ugly to me and I am totally ashamed by it. I turn around so The Husband won't see. I avoid bathing suit situations like the plague and it's exhausting. But mainly I just want to come to terms with it. This is how my body is shaped and I'm having a hard time finding a way to love it again.

I don't know what to do. I want to be okay with it but I'm not. Recently, I've thought about plastic surgery, (I mean, come on... if I can look like that after picture, I'd be OK with that) but that seems so dramatic. It seems like the last ditch effort, that I've failed in some way or that I'm vain.

This is my daily struggle. Trying to love this new body of mine. Adjusting to the scars. I know I have a lot to show for it, but it's really really hard to love these marks which are the road map of my life that has been left on body.