I'm nervous about tonight. Over a year ago, I quit going to my monthly "wine club." This club involved every month getting together at a member's house to drink and talk about wine. We'd often pick a certain varietal, for example Pinot Noir, Cabernet or wine region/country and each couple would bring a bottle to share with the group. A few members were highly skilled and educated in wine making, tasting etc and there were some which really knew nothing but came to learn and share an evening with friends. It was a nice group with lots of very pleasant people, but there was only a very very small handful of people I felt particularly close to. Generally it was fun and I more or less looked forward to it, but I quit going for a couple of reasons. First, it always starts at 7pm and when my alarm goes off at 5:30 in the morning, starting to drink wine at 7 at night isn't always a good thing. Second, it was a night away from my daughter (read: babysitter = $) and if I was going to hire a babysitter, I wanted to spend that night with people I really really wanted to be with (read: husband and/or really really close friends.) So I gracefully bowed out.
I was invited back tonight, as a "special guest" and I agreed to go. I'm not nervous that I've lost my lingo, "oh, that's a very interesting nose, I get bright cherry with a hint of tobacco" or "that has very long finish." I can fake all that with enough confidence people actually think I know what I'm talking about. What I am nervous about is seeing a gal I was once friends with. You can read the whole break-up saga here.
The last few months of my belonging to the wine club she was "sick" or "busy" or whatever her excuse was and I'm sure she was relieved to find out I was leaving the wine club so she'd get those friends in our divorce and be able to enjoy her wine nights without me. Last I've heard she'll be there tonight. I'll want to be a big girl tonight and not avoid the situation. I want to be the one who breaks the ice, and who extends the olive branch. But I'm nervous. I don't like confrontation and I don't like situations that are weirdly strained.
The past 2 years or more, I've felt our relatioinship has been unresolved. It's on my mind a lot and I've contacted her a couple of times to tie up the lose ends but with no resolution. I don't like having things like this being in limbo. I'm hoping in the end, our conversations will be genuinely friendly. I don't necessarily want to be friends again right away, it seems like too much happened and too much time has gone by. I don't want to have to feel as though we're stepping on eggshells and having to watch everything we say, or don't say. I just want the weirdness to go away and it to feel right again.