Tuesday, July 21, 2009

More Wedding Stuff...

The Bride and Me

“Call me when you get in,” she said. “We’re having a BBQ at the house and I’d love for you to come.”

I called. No answer. No call back.

That’s how it started.

I tried to set aside my negativity about the whole affair. It wasn’t fair to her or me to be the one that brought things down. My friend seemed happy and that’s what I wanted her to be. I tried to channel her energy. Excitement. Bridal bliss. Being the one that finally is walking down the aisle last. I had my turn and now it was hers.

I didn’t see The Bride until the next morning. She looked tired. I figured it was from all the last minute planning that needed to be done, but it wasn’t that. I later found out from her sister the reason for the big bags under her eyes. He’s a night owl and “she can’t go to bed until he does.” I couldn’t respond since things like that don’t exist in my world. My picture was becoming more clear. This is just another way for him to control her.

The days before the wedding went quickly. The Husband and the Little Miss went off doing their thing. Touring around Washington, seeing pandas at the zoo and eating ice cream in the warm weather. They were having fun. I ran errands for The Bride. Things that still needed doing. Although I missed my family, I was happy to help. I needed to help to connect myself more with this wedding. Although I was very happy to be so far away for all of the planning, I needed this time to bring myself into the reality of the moment. This transition in my friend’s life.

The wedding went off without a hitch and no one was the wiser to all the last minute chaos. A full Catholic Mass followed by a reception full of sin. The blue in the banquet room didn’t clash with the blue of our dresses, which was once a concern. Bright flower centerpieces made the room pop. Everything looked spectacular.

The beauty of the wedding seemed to flawlessly cover up my distaste for Mr. Buzzkill like a pretty veneer. Much of the actual day, I was truly happy and excited. A new life for them together. I had hope. I even had thoughts of “this just might work.”

But all that excitement has now faded. And now my skepticism about the whole marriage is back. How could you be with someone who dictates when you go to bed? who tells you what gym you can go to? what friends you can have? what jobs you can apply for? But on the other hand, how can you let someone control you like that? How can my strong independent, free thinking friend morph into someone I don’t recognize?

I don’t think this marriage will work. But I do know I flew across the nation to be the Matron of Honor at her wedding. To be with my friend for better or worse. For richer or poor and in sickness and in health.
And yes, I did delete the picture of Mr. Buzzkill. Although I thought the comparison was perfect, I wasn't feeling good about posting what I had.


Monica said...

Its so hard to watch friends give their life to someone who isnt good for them.

However, you, my dear, did great! You should be proud of yourself!

Aleta said...

She has a true friend in you, that you did so much and were there for her. She'll appreciate it more and more in the future.... and in the future when she needs a friend she can count on, she'll turn to you again. I pray for her happiness and hope that it works out. I've been in those shoes before, they are tight and constraining and it gets miserable to walk. I hope she doesn't have the same path that I went through. It isn't fun...

Shelley said...

You gave it your all, and considering your misgivings about the entire marriage, you are to be commended for that!

May I just say that you look gorgeous? That dress really suits you! The bride ain't half bad, but you know, brides are always beautiful.

a corgi said...

both you and the bride are very beautiful women!! I would imagine if he is as controlling as he was prior to marriage, he will be more controlling now married. I would imagine you might not be seeing or hearing from your friend a lot if you aren't in his circle of friends he would recommend for her; having said that, I think you are to be highly commended to go and have supported her the way you did by being her Matron of Honor


Gigi said...

No matter how the marriage ends up, your friend will always have the memory of you being by her side on her special day. You are a good friend and did the right thing; misgivings and all.

You looked gorgeous by the way.

wahoostampingirl said...

I had a friend who married a very controlling man and he basically cut us off from each other for a few years. I was in my late 20's and truly didn't understand the leash he kept her on. Finally, she had enough strength to leave him. I've felt guilty that I wasn't there for her during the worst of it (verbal and emotional abuse), but she has said that she kinda had to see for herself what a jerk he was. You're being a good friend and try to keep in contact with her as much as possible. It sounds like she'll need it.

destinationathlete said...

You look beautiful in that photo!

That being said, you are definitely a true, true friend to have flown out to DC to be there for her, and she is going to need that in the future as her future unfolds.

MB said...

You look absolutely amazing!

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do when your friends fall in love and marry controlling a$$holes. Just be her friend and keep your fingers crossed for her.

I'm sure you would have rather been at the zoo. ;)

Hanlie said...

Well done for doing what needs to be done and being there for your friend regardless of your personal feelings about this marriage.

You look absolutely wonderful! That dress is a winner!

Sagan said...

*hugs* you did good.

Really nice photo!

Val said...

"A full Catholic Mass followed by a reception full of sin." tee hee

That is soooo sucky about your friend :( I guess all you can do is be there for her...however it turns out.

And gorgeous pic!

H.K. said...

Wow! You actually look more radiant and beautiful than the bride!

My mom is married to a control freak and unfortunately they're still married. I'm like you, after 30 years I'm still scratching my head wondering why she's still married to the SOB.