Monday, July 13, 2009

Wedding Bells

Rush, rush, rush. That’s what this week is going to be. We leave on Wednesday for Washington DC for The Wedding. The one where I had to buy my “Matron of Honor” (can that sound any more frumpy?) dress, buy my silver strappy sandals, the one that is costing $350 a ticket to fly across the country, the one that is costing $180 ( or so) a night for a hotel room, the one that that I’m not paying over $100 to get my hair done, the one that The Husband is not going to pay $130 to play golf the day before, the one where The Groom, Mr.Buzzkill, was “concerned about the quality of the dress” I bought for The Little Miss.

This is the wedding of a friend of mine who I have known for about 15 years. I love her dearly. But sadly she is not the person I have known. When she met Mr.Buzzkill she was involved in a book club. Today, no. Why? Because he didn’t like some of the girls in the group. When I ask her for book recommendations, she can’t tell me the last book she read. Why? Because Mr.Buzzkill likes to watch TV all the time (even in bed at night) and she can’t read when it’s on. When she wanted to join a gym… no. Because he wanted her to go across town to work out at the gym at his office building. When she wanted to apply for an opening in her company that wouldn’t net her more money but would give her more experience, no. Because, he didn’t like the idea of her changing jobs if more money wasn’t involved. The one who use to go to the movies, all the time. Now? No, because he doesn’t like to go. Shopping or lunching with her girlfriends? No. Not unless Mr.Buzzkill has other things planned for himself. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t want her to leave him. It’s all too freakish. This is a friend that if we met today, I just don’t know if we’d have much in common.

I’m not sure where our friendship will be in a year or two or ten. We are not nearly as close as we were a couple of years ago, before Mr. Buzzkill came into her life. And I understand all that. Priorities shift. There’s now a new person in the mix. That’s all fine and good. But when so much about her has changed, it’s hard for me to wrap my brain around it. It’s hard for me to watch my friend, who was so strong and dynamic, fold at every corner to his whim. “Why give in?” I asked her once. “Because it’s easier,” she said. That made my heart sink.

But as I’m there this week putting on my happy face for her, I also have to remember, this is also the wedding of a friend of mine who I have known for about 15 years and I’ve never seen her so happy. I don’t understand the dynamics. It’s not my job to. It’s her relationship and she’s happy. He’s happy. They are happy. I’m not sure if this is forever happy, but I wish them well and all the blessing in the world.


19 comments:

Herbalife Las Vegas said...

I hope the wedding goes well!

Emmett said...

Wedding can be expensive, but its a fun time

Shelley said...

In spite of all the craziness, I hope the wedding is fun and you all have a great time! Take lots of pictures - we MUST see Mr. Buzzkill in person!

Katie J said...

Hope you have a good time and I am with Shelley - we have got to see a Kodak of Mr. Buzzkill!

destinationathlete said...

Ditto on the Kodak of Buzzkill.

And for what it's worth...my first marriage was to a man very different than I was. My best friend told me she didn't think ti was goin to last. I was upset - really upset - at first. And now, in retrospect, I know how hard it was for her to voice her opinion and tell me that it wasn't right. I can't tell you what to do because, in my opinion, you're doing it already. You're being a friend, you're supporting her decision, you're being a "big girl" about something that definitely does not feel right to you.

And that is what defines you as a friend, no doubt.

Gigi said...

Ditto Shelley et al on the pic. This friend has had you jumping through some hoops and I certainly hope now that the time has arrived she shows the proper appreciation for all your support.

It's sad when friendships change but so many of them do. I hope you're able to come back together again.

Val said...

That's so sad about your friend :( I love had friends go through similar changes with sig. others, and it's just so bewildering.

But anyway, I hope the wedding goes well, for all involved :)

Hanlie said...

Those are just a few serious warning bells, but until she sees it, there's not much you can do except be there when the wheels come off. Good luck with the upcoming weekend!

biz319 said...

I agree - at this point, you just have to support her - and hopefully support her when she gets divorced!

So sad, I think I told you this before, but my sister thought her husband would "change" after they were married - well almost 15 years later and he's worn her down to a nub!

Hang in there and hopefully you'll be able to garner some fun with all the money you are spending!

Diane, Fit to the Finish said...

At least you are supporting your friend, even if its killing your checkbook! I hope you still have a great time!

Sagan said...

I'm really sorry about all of that. I know people in similar relationships and it's very painful- but you're right, what can we do if they're happy with these people?

Hope that the wedding goes well- you're a good friend.

CouchPotatoAtHeart said...

I'm so impressed that you are taking the high road. She's going to need a good friend like you sometime, and he may have driven off everybody else.

Wendy said...

I wish you all the best during the wedding to keep your true feelings of mr buzzkill in! That must be hard! but if you do at the last min decide to kidnap the bride..GOOD LUCK! ha ha....no but seriously good luck. maybe your friend will realize what a jerk she is marrying once she is married...then you can suppport her again at her divorce!

SeaShore said...

At least the whole crazy wedding part is almost over. I hope you'll be able to at least enjoy the party. Good luck.

Carolina Girl said...

I hate when people lose themselves over someone else. It's a shame. I hope your friendship will remain in tact, and hopefully the wedding won't be too terribly bad!

Juice said...

I agree with Hanlie, there are some serious warning flags here. Mr Buzzkill is showing a classic abuse profile: isolation from friends and family, lack of decision making power for your friend, etc. Some of this she may be doing willingly for now (and who knows, it might work out). In my opinion, the best thing you can do is continue to reach out to her during this marriage. You can be the reminder of who she used to be - strong, independent, fun, etc. She may turn to you when things go sour.

I truly hope this marriage works out, but I'm scared for your friend.

H.K. said...

The groom sounds like a control freak! It is hard to stay really good friends with someone when their in a relationship that is questionable.

Anyway, I hope the wedding turns out great & that you have fun! Look forward to seeing pics or reading about it!

Asianmommy said...

This is true--the way she lives her life is up to her, & she needs to figure it out on her own. You can be a good friend just by supporting her, as you are.

Thinking Thin said...

It's sad when the friendship shifts because priorities change when a man sometimes enters the picture. It doesn't have to happen that way but more often than not, it does. I hope that you still have a good time!