Rush, rush, rush. That’s what this week is going to be. We leave on Wednesday for Washington DC for The Wedding. The one where I had to buy my “Matron of Honor” (can that sound any more frumpy?) dress, buy my silver strappy sandals, the one that is costing $350 a ticket to fly across the country, the one that is costing $180 ( or so) a night for a hotel room, the one that that I’m not paying over $100 to get my hair done, the one that The Husband is not going to pay $130 to play golf the day before, the one where The Groom, Mr.Buzzkill, was “concerned about the quality of the dress” I bought for The Little Miss.
This is the wedding of a friend of mine who I have known for about 15 years. I love her dearly. But sadly she is not the person I have known. When she met Mr.Buzzkill she was involved in a book club. Today, no. Why? Because he didn’t like some of the girls in the group. When I ask her for book recommendations, she can’t tell me the last book she read. Why? Because Mr.Buzzkill likes to watch TV all the time (even in bed at night) and she can’t read when it’s on. When she wanted to join a gym… no. Because he wanted her to go across town to work out at the gym at his office building. When she wanted to apply for an opening in her company that wouldn’t net her more money but would give her more experience, no. Because, he didn’t like the idea of her changing jobs if more money wasn’t involved. The one who use to go to the movies, all the time. Now? No, because he doesn’t like to go. Shopping or lunching with her girlfriends? No. Not unless Mr.Buzzkill has other things planned for himself. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t want her to leave him. It’s all too freakish. This is a friend that if we met today, I just don’t know if we’d have much in common.
I’m not sure where our friendship will be in a year or two or ten. We are not nearly as close as we were a couple of years ago, before Mr. Buzzkill came into her life. And I understand all that. Priorities shift. There’s now a new person in the mix. That’s all fine and good. But when so much about her has changed, it’s hard for me to wrap my brain around it. It’s hard for me to watch my friend, who was so strong and dynamic, fold at every corner to his whim. “Why give in?” I asked her once. “Because it’s easier,” she said. That made my heart sink.
But as I’m there this week putting on my happy face for her, I also have to remember, this is also the wedding of a friend of mine who I have known for about 15 years and I’ve never seen her so happy. I don’t understand the dynamics. It’s not my job to. It’s her relationship and she’s happy. He’s happy. They are happy. I’m not sure if this is forever happy, but I wish them well and all the blessing in the world.