There was a time when I'd be walking down the street and would catch a glimpse of myself in the store windows and I wouldn't mind. Today, the story is different. Now when I'm walking where, out the corner of my eye, I might see my reflection, I purposely turn my head. I don't want to face the fact that I really am bigger than I think I am. I'm scared to look.
Not too long ago, I was walking downtown past all the stores filled with all clothes too small for me, when I saw an image in the window. I thought to myself, "wow? who is that fat lady." only to realize that fat lady was me. It makes my heart skip a beat and takes my breath away, that I could have let myself get that way. When did THAT happen? Tell me, when? And how could I? How could I disrespect my body so much? My body... the one where my heart has to work harder, where my body aches so much, where it's too hard to paint my toe nails so I pay someone to do it for me? You know, the one and only body I have.
I've started to make some changes, albeit some small and some not so small. I'm trying to look at things differently, I'm trying to be real about my body, where it's at today and where I want it to be. I really want to get back to the days where I'm not scared to look. I've opened my eyes now I just need to like what I see.