Thursday, July 10, 2008

Still A Long Way to Go

I was reminded last night just how far I still need to go. I went to Mom's last night for dinner and in her recent travels she had bought me this blouse, but with 5 buttons down the front and in a really pretty pattern and not stripped, because she thought it "looked like me." Knowing that I am a big girl, she of course picked up the extra large. It was all very sweet and thoughtful of her. (on a side note, I would NEVER have spent the $58 for it.) I went to try it on and and aughhh. A total failure. The buttons were basically popping out, not only was it tight on the top but tight on the belly as well. I almost cried, seriously.

Just recently, I've been feeling so much better about myself. Feeling more like my old self and feeling that I might actually be able to walk into a store and buy regular sized clothes again. Putting that top on last night was a real set back for me. It made those feelings of ugliness and being overweight come to the surface. My self-esteem just plummeted as I looked at myself in the mirror. I once again felt disgusting and gross.

I walked out of the bathroom and announced with a smile, to those still at the dinner table, "it's too small." The look on my face must have told the true story because my The Husband looked at me with such loving eyes and gave me that I love you, I'm proud of who you are and you look wonderful to me look. It made me melt. I so married the right guy.

After that small little set back last night, I'm feeling better today. The past few days have been really good on the refocused I'm-so-going-to-lose-this-weight plan. I've been able to take my lunch hour walks, I'm eating well and eating small portions. I've also increased my water intake and now spend 31% of my day either getting water or going to the bathroom. I'm sure my boss is thinking I'm slacking off even more since I'm sure he is watching me get up from my desk at least 17 times before lunch.

I'm ready to tackle today and walk past that bowl of mini-candy bars sitting in the cubicle next to mine. Can I just tell you how much I hate it when there's chocolate in the office? Especially those delicious bite size morsels. Especially in the afternoon when I'm craving a little treat. I think the plan is to visualize myself in the bathroom last night with that too small top on and I should be able to whiz right on by.


Allison said...

I'm sorry that happened to you with the XL. If you haven't returned it, maybe you can keep it as a goal shirt.
I bought a pair of khaki shorts in size 16 that were on clearance for $7 at Lane Bryant as my goal shorts. I bought them when I was still about a size 24 or 26.
I can't fit into them yet. But I can try them on every now and then and see how close I am.
Keep doing what you're doing and you'll get there.

Sagan Morrow said...

Your husband sounds really sweet. And remember that sizes vary considerably at different places... thats the worst thing about shopping while you're traveling; the sizes are NEVER the same as they are back home. Good luck with the chocolate-in-the-office dilemma!

Sheri said...

I can totally relate after a recent shopping trip. Sounds like you took the high road in a mental battle and didn't let negative thoughts sabotage you. Way to go!

Missicat said...

I agree with Allison - keep it as a goal shirt. I got a whole new wardrobe that way... :-)
Don't be too hard on yourself, shirts with buttons can be difficult to wear, I still avoid them.

Christine said...

Don't let the shirt get you down - we've all been there I think.

Just today I went into a shop and saw a cute dress, so I got it in my size and went to try it on. It fit fine, but it didn't look good... and it wasn't the dress.

You WILL fit into that shirt. But for now, concentrate on how the clothes that fit you are fitting you better, and how much better you feel :)

You're doing great. *hugs*

Sarah P said...

Girl CHIN UP!!!! That shirt will fit in NO time!!!! Keep going and I promise you that!

Mark Salinas said...

I find food has been a huge challenge during my journey...I am going to win the game! I might lose a quarter but the game is mine. I am in control.

Good job and keep it going! Nice post!

MizFit said...

man I ADORE your hubby as it's that kind of support which will propel you onward to success.

the rest of the day?
filled with NSV?


ptg said...

I can definitely relate with the shirt...I have a pair of pants that are the same way; problem is, the size now is WAY too big but the size smaller is WAY too tight. WTF?!

It definitely can bring you down when you think you're doing so well and something so minimal (in context, obviously) can bring us so far down.

I hear ya, I guess is what I'm trying to say.

Gemfit said...

Just remember that sizing is screwy from place to place. Never let that be the be-all-and-end-all.

Keep it as a goal if you like it.

You may have a long way to go, but you're getting there and don't let one shirt get the better of you.

Chin up!