I was reminded last night just how far I still need to go. I went to Mom's last night for dinner and in her recent travels she had bought me this blouse, but with 5 buttons down the front and in a really pretty pattern and not stripped, because she thought it "looked like me." Knowing that I am a big girl, she of course picked up the extra large. It was all very sweet and thoughtful of her. (on a side note, I would NEVER have spent the $58 for it.) I went to try it on and and aughhh. A total failure. The buttons were basically popping out, not only was it tight on the top but tight on the belly as well. I almost cried, seriously.
Just recently, I've been feeling so much better about myself. Feeling more like my old self and feeling that I might actually be able to walk into a store and buy regular sized clothes again. Putting that top on last night was a real set back for me. It made those feelings of ugliness and being overweight come to the surface. My self-esteem just plummeted as I looked at myself in the mirror. I once again felt disgusting and gross.
I walked out of the bathroom and announced with a smile, to those still at the dinner table, "it's too small." The look on my face must have told the true story because my The Husband looked at me with such loving eyes and gave me that I love you, I'm proud of who you are and you look wonderful to me look. It made me melt. I so married the right guy.
After that small little set back last night, I'm feeling better today. The past few days have been really good on the refocused I'm-so-going-to-lose-this-weight plan. I've been able to take my lunch hour walks, I'm eating well and eating small portions. I've also increased my water intake and now spend 31% of my day either getting water or going to the bathroom. I'm sure my boss is thinking I'm slacking off even more since I'm sure he is watching me get up from my desk at least 17 times before lunch.
I'm ready to tackle today and walk past that bowl of mini-candy bars sitting in the cubicle next to mine. Can I just tell you how much I hate it when there's chocolate in the office? Especially those delicious bite size morsels. Especially in the afternoon when I'm craving a little treat. I think the plan is to visualize myself in the bathroom last night with that too small top on and I should be able to whiz right on by.