Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The Past Meets The Present

On Sunday The Husband and I went out with another couple on our monthly, let's get stupid because we don't have the monkeys with us, night out. We went to a local brewery where I indulged in a couple mango margaritas, some nachos, steak bites and a whole bunch of nonsense. Super fun night. As we were leaving I ran into a guy that at one time, when I was single and fun, had a HUGE crush on and had actually had a drunken booty call with. Yep, had sex with him. We chatted for awhile, I introduced The Husband and our friends, we kissed cheeks and parted ways.

Off we went to our next destination just down the street and what is there but yet another guy I had hooked up with. Once again, when I was single and fun. Oh lordy. The Husband and the other couple all know him, but no one knows of our little evening of adult fun. We all chatted for a few minutes trying to fill the conversation with witty banter, we kissed cheeks and parted ways.

That was two in one night!!! And it's not like my list is all that long. Sheesh! Just so you all don't think I'm some loosey goosie, here's my story, the short version of a long tale.

All through college, I dated one guy. On paper he was the perfect match. He had moral values that matched mine, he was kind, he loved his parents and family, had an MBA, owned his own business but still balanced having fun. On our last summer together, we camped from the top of Washington State all the way down the Oregon Coast and into California. We sadly parted ways at the end of the trip. He was headed back to Hawaii and I wanted to stay on the Mainland. It was hard but we were just on different paths. In our tearful good-byes we knew our lives were not meant to be with each other.

After him, I dated a string of one not appropriate guy after another. There were probably 3 all told. Until I met Steve when I was in my late 20's. He was the one that really made a difference in my life. He was a renaissance man. He loved wine, fine foods, art. He knew about so much, he was incredibly smart. He was different from the rest. I spent 7 years with him. I fell in love. He broke my heart. We sat in the counselor's office, me on the couch, he on the chair, she facilitating his dirty work. I can still hear the words,
"Steve, do you see a future with her?"

My last words to him that day were, "make sure you pay the nice lady." I walked out of that torture chamber and onto the rest of my life. A better person for having been there.

I was in my mid 30's, single, recovering from a heart-ache that seemed to last too long but those words burned in my ears. There was no going back. I relied on friends to keep me busy and my mind occupied. I learned who I was without anyone in my life and I met a whole new set of people that knew me and didn't know that at one time I was a part of a couple. I had my identity and I was happier than I could imagine. I was fun and I was single. I was living life on my terms and in this time of glorious singlehood was when I hooked up with the two guys we ran into on Sunday. It was also the time when I met The Husband. Who, by the way I did not have a drunken booty call with. I made him wait.

It's still awkward for me to see people I've shared those intimacies with and especially awkward when The Husband is there. I'm not sure why but I suspect it's because I can't imagine going back to those days of being single and fun because now, I'm married, thankfully to the right man, but still fun.


Allison said...

I would imagine that would be awkward bumping into old boyfriends. But I'm glad you found, and married, the right man. :)

Alli said...

Wow two in one night. I bet that has definitely made you start the mental trip down memory lane. I bet it feels good though to look back adn now see hwo thankful you are that those relationships didnt work out. I know I am so thankful that I ended up with B.

Christine said...

I'm so happy you and your husband found each other :)

Heartbreak dude sounds like a total twat and you're well rid of him - although perhaps it was because of him that you found the time to be single and learn who you are. I still wouldn't go so far as thanking him for that. But still. Silver Lining, Every Cloud, All that Shit!

Thanks for sharing some of your story - I think it's great to get to know you better.

Lynn said...

Heh... I'm good friends with at least two of my ex-boyfriends, and I casually see a few more of them from time to time. Used to drive Most Recent Ex totally bananas that I could still talk to and be friendly with someone that I once had a booty call with (love that phrase!).

My husband doesn't care much who I was with before I was with him... I mean, if I'd liked those guys enough to stay with them, I'd have stayed with them, right? Right.

MizFit said...

you are such a great writer, Woman. Ill day the posts like yesterday when we get one like this after.

triggered my own walk of shame :) down memory lane...


ptg said...

Yup...I've had similar experiences where I run into "past flings" with the Hubs and you just go...uh-oh! My own husband doesn't know the majority of my daliances (thank GOD!) which is best.

I look back on those times, and although sometimes I miss them, the majority of the time I hug my husband for being the wonderful man he is.

totegirl said...

Ouch on the Steve story. But it's good to see that stories like that can have happy endings!

Thanks for sharing and for being there for me!

Christa said...

Thank the heavens that despite the heartbreak, you didn't spend 8 eight years with stupid Steve (afterall if he didn't see you as terrrific, there must be something wrong with him)!

I need a date night like you had, great idea!

Susie said...

ohhhhh..fun stories. It sounds like they wereall great experiences at that time in your life and gave you great memories and made you who you are today...and there's a happy ending. Kinda weird running into someone you hooked up with, huh..Well, sounds like a fun night..and I bet you LOOOOOKED gooood too!