Monday, January 5, 2009

Call Me a Cranky Bitch

I’ve had lots of time off of work the past couple of weeks and so has The Husband. Now don’t get me wrong, cuz I love The Husband, but by yesterday I was done with him and done with The Little Miss who has also been out of school the past couple of weeks. I swear I was about to lose it yesterday and was a cranky bitch. Moody, snippy and just needing to have a little time to myself.

In my past life, before The Husband and before The Little Miss, I was a pretty solitary person opting a lot of time to do things by myself, not because I didn’t have the choice to include friends, but because I enjoyed my time alone and the freedom that comes along with it. Even now, given the choice, I’d rather see a movie solo rather than go with someone. I like to sit where I want to and eat my popcorn in peace. I like knowing I won’t have to discuss the film with anyone right after, rather I like having the time to absorb the moment quietly. I’ve traveled the world solo, adventured by myself, lived by myself and had many years where I was basically a solo avenger and loved it.

So, this weekend, after 5 straight days of football games, the busy toddler, laundry, dishes, entertaining some friends, babysitting a cousin and all the normal stresses of life, I was D.O.N.E. I had fantasies of renting a little studio apartment somewhere, filling it with all the things I love instead of big pink plastic toys, and leaving it all behind. I’m not that stupid, and would never do it , but it was certainly a great dream to have, even for that brief glorious moment. The simple life. No worries and no one to take care of, but me. Do what I want, when I want. That sounded so nice and so very decadent.

This weekend taught me that I need to listen to me. To set time aside for myself, without feeling guilty. I need to learn to talk to The Husband and let him know what’s going on because it is ok to feel over burdened and bunt out. It’s ok for me to take a break and it’s ok to know that I can’t do it all, all of the time. But what is not ok is to be a cranky bitch and snap at him when he has no idea what’s going on. We all deserve better behavior than that.

10 comments:

Shelley said...

Isn't it funny how not listening to ourselves lands us in trouble?!?

And I feel ya on the husband/kid - my husband just went back to work today after 2 weeks off, and my 2 sons have been home from college for 3 weeks now...1 more week to go. I'm going a little bit crazier with each day!

Hanlie said...

And so we learn... I'm also used to spending a lot of time on my own and can get very overwhelmed when I've got people around me for extended periods of time.

Gigi said...

I feel your pain! Both husband and son were back to work/school today after a bit too much "quality" time these past 2 weeks and it was glorious. You are right about giving yourself what you need - and preferably when you need it, even tho that's not always easy with a toddler.

Sharon said...

I think what you learned from the week is right! Making time for yourself is so important!

spunkysuzi said...

Oh i am the same way!! In fact that's why i love going for my hour long walks in the woods because it gives me time to be alone and to be able to think :)

Tony said...

I'm an introvert and definitely need my alone time. It helps me re-energize so to speak. I can understand how it would be extremely frustrating without it.

Cammy said...

Good for you for figuring out a solution before weapons were drawn. :) My office was filled with people claiming to be glad to come back from the holidays just for the peace and quiet. LOL

tisha85 said...

I hear your frustration and as others have written, I need alone time too. I get overwhelmed when there are too many things on my calendar. I sooo want to just READ sometimes. Okay, I'll stop venting here...:)

dadivastreet said...

Me time is so important! Good for you in figuring out what you need. Hope hubby helps you in making it so!

Sagan said...

That's why I like living with my sister right now- she gets that I really prefer to be alone, whereas if I was living with a friend I think they might get offended that I like to shut myself in my room and not talk all evening etc. But is definitely good to communicate about those kinds of things so everyone understands!