I’ve had lots of time off of work the past couple of weeks and so has The Husband. Now don’t get me wrong, cuz I love The Husband, but by yesterday I was done with him and done with The Little Miss who has also been out of school the past couple of weeks. I swear I was about to lose it yesterday and was a cranky bitch. Moody, snippy and just needing to have a little time to myself.
In my past life, before The Husband and before The Little Miss, I was a pretty solitary person opting a lot of time to do things by myself, not because I didn’t have the choice to include friends, but because I enjoyed my time alone and the freedom that comes along with it. Even now, given the choice, I’d rather see a movie solo rather than go with someone. I like to sit where I want to and eat my popcorn in peace. I like knowing I won’t have to discuss the film with anyone right after, rather I like having the time to absorb the moment quietly. I’ve traveled the world solo, adventured by myself, lived by myself and had many years where I was basically a solo avenger and loved it.
So, this weekend, after 5 straight days of football games, the busy toddler, laundry, dishes, entertaining some friends, babysitting a cousin and all the normal stresses of life, I was D.O.N.E. I had fantasies of renting a little studio apartment somewhere, filling it with all the things I love instead of big pink plastic toys, and leaving it all behind. I’m not that stupid, and would never do it , but it was certainly a great dream to have, even for that brief glorious moment. The simple life. No worries and no one to take care of, but me. Do what I want, when I want. That sounded so nice and so very decadent.
This weekend taught me that I need to listen to me. To set time aside for myself, without feeling guilty. I need to learn to talk to The Husband and let him know what’s going on because it is ok to feel over burdened and bunt out. It’s ok for me to take a break and it’s ok to know that I can’t do it all, all of the time. But what is not ok is to be a cranky bitch and snap at him when he has no idea what’s going on. We all deserve better behavior than that.