Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I Have a Problem

I drink wine every day. Two or more glasses every single day. Yep, I do. There, I’ve said it. More drinking on days where we have friends over and that happens to be at least twice a week. And all that drinking, my friends, has to stop.

Last Saturday night we went to a local upscale “camping” resort where they have a band, bonfires and picnic areas where you can bring your own dinner/drinks. We went, with the Fire Family, for a night out, the monkeys running around entertaining themselves and the adults snacking and drinking and drinking and drinking.

That’s how it always seems to be, them playing, us drinking. Me drinking. More. A lot. Too much. I stumble to bed, my sleep is horrible, I wake up, mouth parched and unrested. I toss and turn, wake up at 2am for more aspirin and there are just too many days I feel like crap in the morning.

After Saturday’s binge, I’ve put an end to it. No more drinking on school nights, the exception is when we have friends over, and then it’s only a glass or two, not a bottle or two. Time to scale way back and honestly, it’s going to be hard. I’I look forward to walking to the wine cooler, every day at 5 o’clock and pulling out a bottle. Wondering little nugget am I going to enjoy. The first sip, heaven. The last, not as memorable, in fact almost always forgotten.

There are too many blank holes in my memory. Things I don’t remember. Too many times I’ve had to ask The Husband if I made an ass out of myself. Too many times I’ve wonder if I was slurring my words. Too much to lose if I keep on this path. Too many bad examples being set.

I don’t know exactly when it was that I started drinking every night, but I think it was about the time when The Little Miss appeared in my life. I needed the relief. The break from reality. The break from the fact that I was a MOM. Holy shit! Me? A mom. You’ve got to be kidding. I was 40 years old, and never thought I’d be a parent and that transition was hard. Really really hard for me. I needed something and wine was my drug of choice. Easy to get, socially acceptable and something I already knew a lot about.

So I’m choosing a different path. One of more responsibility and maturity. The one I was on before. A drink. A glass. Not every night, but on some nights. Special nights. On occasions.

16 comments:

Aleta said...

Bravo to you for making the decision. And this post kind of scared me. When you mentioned 40 and having a child. I turn 40 this year. Greg and I don't have children and I don't even know if I can have any.... but if I did get pregnant, wow... I think it's scare me too and hence, this post, your post is very real. Thanks for sharing and sending positive thoughts your way for the changes you want to make!

Shelley said...

Hey, could you email me: 40somethingsjourney@gmail.com. Thanks!

Hotch Potchery said...

I found your blog via Shelley...what an honest post.

I drink too, but beer is my vice. It is "only" twice a week, but it tends to get past the social point almost every time.

Carolina Girl said...

Proud of you for making this decision!! That was very brave of you to admit that too. I know it will be tough, really tough. But you can do it! Lean on us bloggy friends. We can help get you through it!

Cammy said...

Looks like a step in the right direction. I wish you strength...and peace.

Juice said...

Wow, what an honest, real post - just what I needed to read right now. Kudos to you for recognizing an issue and addressing it. I look forward to hearing about your successes!

I'm curious to see how you will fill that "select the wine and have the first glass" ritual. Perhaps with a walk around the block, a cup of herbal tea, a phone call to a far off friend? Wishing you all the best in your new healthier lifestyle!

TJ said...

Ya know I used to drink nightly- I was sore or worn out from work adn drank 2 PLUS glasses each night - more on weekends, like you and then realized that I shouldnt be doing this. I agree with you and appreciated your honesty in this post. :) I also noticed a HUGE difference in my weigh loss once I only drank on occasion- I also get the munchies when I drink so that was not good! lol Congrats on your realization!
:)tj

Hanlie said...

I used to drink every day for years and years. And very often I used to drink a lot in one go. But as I got older the effects became more unpleasant. The restless sleep, the headaches, the dehydration. And then I learned about alcohol's effects on our health and weight(don't be fooled by that old chestnut that a glass of wine every day is supposedly good for you) and now I rarely drink. I still call myself a wine-lover, and when I do drink I make sure that I select an absolutely fabulous wine.

They have just published the findings of The Million Women study and among a lot of other things they found that having one glass of wine per day drastically increases one's risk of breast cancer.

Besides, it's all right to make a fool of oneself when you're young, but when we get to our age it's just foolish!

I really support your decision. I think you'll find that it was just a habit and a ritual, not an addiction. Good luck!

Watching and Weighting said...

Good for you - thats a really honest admission!

Maybe you could try switching to clear spirits rather than the vino if cold turkey is too much a of a leap or you can't stick at a glass. I found this helped me when i began ww, less calories too!

I wish you the best of luck with this challenge - keep us updated xx

Miz said...

BIG BRAVO to you.

short version: husband made similar choice and didnt have a glass for 10 years.

he recently went back to it and has been easily able to have a glass a night on weekend nights AND loves the extra calories he was able (and is still during week) to 'use' on food! :)

take care,

Carla

Gigi said...

Very honest post and one I suspect was very hard to write. While I've never had a problem with drinking I was a long time 2 pask a day smoker and had to quit when I got married. It was like having an arm cut off. A friend of mine who kicked both a cocaine and nicotine habit said it was harder quitting the cigs.

It's been 18+ years since I last smoked - altho it helps that it's so socially unacceptable now too. So I'm not a size 8 anymore but also don't expect to suffer the emphysema and heart problems that are plaguing my father now. Plus, I'm not passing down that horrible example to my very impressionable son.

Wishing you success and strength on this new journey. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Tina said...

Wow! Good for you for making that decision. We quit drinking during the week for calorie reasons (unless the neighbors drop by of course!) I know it's totally not the same but we've started drinking tea instead. Just to have the ritual of something. I wish you the best and we are all here to help you along!!

Teresa said...

I also did that for a time. I cut all of it out for 3 months, now if I want a glass of wine, I make a spritzer. (1/3 wine, 2/3 diet sprite or diet 7-up) It will let you social drink without the hangover, loss of memory and alot less wine. Just and idea, it works for me.

Sagan said...

It's great that you're able to recognize this. It'll be tough, but I know that you can do it. Taking small steps to cut back will get you there.

Wendy said...

that took alot of guts to write that post. good for you for wanting and trying to change. It might be hard but i know you can do it!

Honib1 said...

Wonderful Post and many kudos to you for saying it.. knowing it and taking action to curb it.. great !