Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Women Lay Face Down, Men Lay Face Up

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon. The Husband had taken The Little Miss for the day so the house was seemed too empty and quiet. A perfect day to relax, reflect and clear my mind. I drove down to the beach to catch the breeze in my hair and let my thoughts wander to other spaces.

I headed left. The sun in my face, the breeze at my back, and cool water lapping at my feet. I tuned into my music and put one foot in front of the other. Walking further from the crowds the space emptied out. Only a few people sunbathing here and there. And then none. My own little piece of beach. Peace. Quiet. Me. Alone.

I wandered a little further and could see the next enclave of people enjoying their Sunday. Dogs playing fetch, while their owners threw sticks and balls. Couples lying together. People solo, enjoying the sun on their bodies. Closer, closer, hmmm something seems different. Do I really see what I think I see? One foot in front of the other. Closer, closer and yes. It is what I think I see. Nakedness. Everyone. Naked. OMG.

Don’t stare. Look straight ahead. Wait, I want to peek. If I keep my head straight and just move my eyes as far as possible to the side, can I get a glimpse? Who are these people? Do I know any of them? No, don’t look. OMG, here’s a guy walking down the beach. We’re on a collision course. Where do I look now? His face? His body? His penis? Crap. What to do. Stay calm. Just pretend he has clothes on, say a brief hello.

“Hello”

“Hey”

He passed, but I did look. He was hung.

I kept walking and thinking. Mainly wondering what it might be like to confident enough with your body to the point of feeling okay with being naked in public. I’m so far from being there, I can’t even imagine. It must be fun. And freeing. I still don’t like to be naked in front of my husband, let alone being naked at all. I like the comfort of hiding myself behind my clothing. I have folds where there should be none. I have stretch marks all over my belly, breasts, arms and legs. I have so much I hide. I have too much I hide.

I’m envious of those who can bare all. I wish it was me, but for now, it’s now. And for those of you who do bare all, why is it that while I was walking down the beach I noticed most women lay face down while the men, like to lay face up with their manliness exposed to the world?

14 comments:

Carolina Girl said...

"He passed, but I did look. He was hung."

LAMO!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG I needed that laugh...HILARIOUS!

hja60uk said...

ROFLMAO... OMG "He was hung"!!!!! ha ha ha ha excellent!

Hanlie said...

The men lie face up? Poached eggs anyone?

I actually used to be quite comfortable being naked around others... I still am in the locker room at gym and at home. Nobody's perfect!

A friend of mine and her boyfriend were skinny dipping on a deserted beach once when another couple arrived. They hightailed it back to their clothes, only to see the other couple strip down and run into the waves!

Shelley said...

What?!? That is crazy!!! I do NOT want to see any nekkid people at the beach - this is America for crying out loud, not the freakin' French Riviera!!!

YES I AM A PRUDE!

So obviously I am not comfortable with my nude self, nor was I ever, nor do I think I will ever be. And that's ok with me.

However, thanks for the laugh over the hung remark!

Jenn said...

Oh man that is too funny!
I guess the guys like to let their bits breathe? I don't know!

Tammy said...

Omg...I have been laughing out loud for like 5 mins straight!!!! What a trip!!! :)

Plump Bitch said...

Very funny!!! Thanks for your comment on daily weighing on my blog. I'm only going to focus on my Wed, 12pm weigh in and make sure nothing else matters. Hugs xxx

Gigi said...

Thank God for sunglasses. I would've looked too - but not stayed for cocktails and such. As for men laying face up I hear it has something to do with letting the "boys" breathe - not that I'd really know - but isn't that what blowdriers are for?

Amy said...

I would have a difficult time not looking as well. Too funny! I'm not comfortable being naked in front of anyone either. I like my clothes.

http://hecate-metamorphosis.blogspot.com

Sherre said...

I would have been totally like you - wanting to look but trying to appear that I wasn't sneaking a peek! :)

MackAttack said...

OMG that is hilarious! I laughed soo hard!

Val said...

That is crazy girl!!
I cannot even imagine trying to keep a straight face with some naked ass man walking towards me-I would have lost it for sure!!

Honib1 said...

nakedness used to bother me but no more.. I have had several surgeries..and a bunch of tests.. I think I finally got a little less inhibited when I had a barium enema.. and a group of interns was in the room with me.. LOL I still laugh over that.. I was so embarrassed.. when I said it would be okay to let a student observe I did not know it was about 5 extra people..after that exposure..I sort of did not care.. this is my body this is who I am .. what I have the very vunerable of me.. so even though I am about 70 pounds overweight.. this is my body right now...

Leah said...

I happened upon your blog from a link on another blog and I almost cried laughing at the thought of walking upon a nude beach unexpectedly.

Oh goodness! I don't approve of those beaches, but that sounded hysterical. You're writing is great! I felt like I was walking right next to you.

Thanks for the laugh!