So, there’s The Wedding in July. We’re spending a TON of money on it. Here’s roughly the breakdown:
Matron of Honor dress: $165
Airfare for 3 of us: $1300
Hotel for the 4 nights: $600
3 tickets for the baseball game out of town guests are invited to go to a couple days before the wedding: $75
Miscellaneous expenses (food/fun/cabs/etc) for the 5 days we’re out of town: $500
As all good Matron of Honors do, I’m also flying across the country Memorial Day Weekend and hosting a shower for her. I’m not including that other expense (gulp) in this since that’s really my choosing and could have not given her a shower, I suppose.
I also told her I was going to borrow a dress for The Little Miss. She wasn’t really happy about it, but the one she really wanted was almost $75. I just couldn’t do that knowing full well the free one is just as pink and just as fluffy as the other.
We’re spending, on the lean side $2600, to be there. That’s a lot of money. $2600 worth of money. I know The Bride has been a big part of my life for a long time. I know I shouldn’t be so bitter about all of this, but I am. I know she’s busy making sure the blue in our dresses doesn’t clash with the blue in the room where the reception is going to be held. I know she’s busy tasting wedding cakes and making sure she has a photographer that remembers to take off the lens cap. I know she’s busy. I know there’s lots of things to think about. But when I don’t hear from her for weeks, even after I email her, except for getting the generic “check out our wedding website for exciting new updates about our wedding” emails, I get a bit pissed.
Is what I’m feeling wrong? I hate that I’m feeling this way. I wish I could just be super happy for her. I wish I could just set aside the cost. I wish I didn’t have to think about the time, and effort we’re putting forth. But, I can’t. Maybe it’s because I can’t imagine asking people to spend that much money, time and effort on me. I’m just one family. There’s a lot of other families who have more kids and more logistical challenges to overcome to make it to the wedding. It just seems to be asking a lot. I couldn’t do it, it’s not right for me. And do we still have to buy a wedding present?
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- Big Girl
- I think of myself as though I'm a pretty typical hipster kinda gal. I feel like I'm younger than I am and I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do when I grow up. For now, I'm working part-time "for the man," but more importantly, I'm a mom to a daughter, The Little Miss (TLM) and a wife to The Husband. We live in an area of the country where being anything bigger than a size 6 is considered unacceptably large and in a town where movie stars live. I've always been the Big Girl. Growing up it was because I was taller and "big boned." Now I'm the Big Girl because I'm fat. At one time I loved being the Big Girl but now, not so much. This blog is my way trying to be a part of a community that can help each other through our struggles to be who we really are. For me, it's still being a Big Girl just not of the fat variety.
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14 comments:
That's a lot of moolah! You should have turned your friend onto the "A Practical Wedding" blog long ago!!!
Wow. That's a lot of cash. I stood up in a wedding myself and I think the total came to $1200 after the dress, airfare for two, rental car, hotel, gift, etc. (I wasn't matron of honor, just an attendant.) I remember when I planned my own wedding, I was REALLY cognizant of cost of everything because although I knew it was my dream day, it certainly wasn't for everyone else. I certainly don't fault you for borrowing a dress for the little one, I would do the same exact thing. I would be bitter too. You're definitely justified in your feelings, and I hope she realizes one day how much you did.
I'd feel the same way you do if I were you. Sometimes, brides don't think of the expense they are asking of others. Not just $$ (although your super nice... I would have had to say, I love ya, I'll be there... But....), but time, etc...
Hopefully she doesn't push you to the limit because that could be 1 huge blowout if she does.
If she is being unappreciative, then you could just decide to not show up at the wedding. It's always an option :).
I like what Tony said...$2600 is a LOT of money and these are hard times right now. If you still decide to go, I would not get her a wedding gift. I doubt she will notice.
And she definitely owes you one :)
I would not get her a gift at all. I'm pretty sure she will be too busy with the wedding to notice you didn't bring a gift and if she asks, I would be honest with her.
I can't believe that they are having you throw her a wedding shower especially since you live far away. Traditionally if the maid of honor lives far away, then someone else throws a wedding shower.
It seems like this bride is being very self-centered. Yes, it's her day, but she needs to be aware of costs for the other wedding party.
Im with you.
But I also got married by the justice of the peace in the basement of a jail :) in running tights FOR THAT VERY REASON.
Wow. Yep, that's a lot. If I was the bride, I wouldn't expect a gift from you. However, I don't know her, so...is there anything "crafty" you can do? Maybe a gift like that (that's more time than money). And yes, I would be upset that she's not communicating with you personally also.
It's hard to feel happy for someone who has given what appears to be such little thought to the time and money you and others have invested in her big day. Everyone's busy these days but it doesn't give Bride-zilla a pass for being inconsiderate. I wouldn't bring a gift unless it was ticking. Sounds like she's the type of person who would notice but at this point, who cares.
I don't really get the whole wedding thing. It's so crazy... I hope she really appreciates everything that you're doing in the end.
that is crazy. I always understood it to be the bride's family would pay for dresses and shared a lot of the costs. I don't blame you for being upset especially when you aren't getting any real communication from her.
You are not wrong. $2600 is a lot of money to spend on attending someone else's party. Because that's what a wedding is, a party to celebrate the marriage, not the marriage itself.
It's easy for brides to get obsessed and one-tracked, but it doesn't mean it's right.
Being newly engaged myself I was planning to elope in Hawaii so I could have a great wedding and spare my friends and family of having unnecessary expenses (unless they wanted to come to HI too buts thats totally up to them). I thought being in love was what mattered not the expenses, money, or gifts.
Just go ahead and say it: brides are bitches. It happens to most of them. That's why, after shooting a few weddings, I decided I could NOT be a wedding photographer. I can't deal with that crap, or those attitudes.
I would not drop that kind of money on attending a wedding, but that's just me. If you go, enjoy yourself, and think about how much more fun your wedding was because you refused to let yourself turn into a bridezilla who forced everyone to take out a second mortgage on their homes just because it was "your special day."
Wow, do I sound bitter or what? But that's because I was a bride like you. My maid of honor wore a $7 black dress she got off a clearance rack. :)
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