Sex Lives of the 40-Something Mothers

Last week I had some girl friends over for a little wine and cheese. It was a 40-something-mothers get together. The four of have been friends for several years and we make sure to see each other once a month. It's really a moment of sanity for all of us and a break from our lives for just one night a month. We of course talked about the children, who is going to what pre-school, or starting a new grade, and all the different camps they've been going to this summer. We also talked about our latest kiddo challenges, we're in the midst of potty training, so and so is doing this or that. We talked about our jobs, our summer vacations, our spouses and our favorite topic, our sex lives.

We are all very candid and for some reason, the topic of our sex lives has been an ongoing theme as of late. Across the board our challenge is the lack of a playful, fun sex life. We're all busy, tired, and sadly, sex is down on the list of priorities. I know we're talking 20 minutes or so, but still those 20 minutes of peace and quiet, laying in bed, sure are precious moments. And besides after a day of having a child clamor and paw on us all day, having some big hairy dude wanting to paw and clamor me doesn't always seem like fun. Really, The Husband isn't big (in a bad way) or hairy, I just threw those words in for effect. We talk about our challenges and after these nights with the girls I'm thinking if this is how it is for the 4 of us, I'm pretty sure it's happening to a lot of you as well.

One of the gals is actually having a lot of sex but the trying-to-get-pregnant again variety. She and her husband have been married for nearly 20 years and finally had their first child 2 years ago, long after the last glimmer of ever getting pregnant had faded away. That trying-to-get-pregnant kind of sex really isn't that much fun. It's calculated and almost feels like a duty. It's down and dirty, but sadly, not in the fun down and dirty sense.

Then there's hotel girl. She and her husband go to a hotel about every four months to jump start their sex lives. As she puts it, "we do it there and it doesn't seem that bad, so we end up having a good sex life for a while until it dwindles down, then we go again." Add in her favorite toy and that doesn't seem like a bad way to go.

Another gal has gone through menopause and her sexual desire has completely left her. Gone, done, bye-bye, adios. She's in the midst of trying to get her mojo back and made a trek to a shop and bought one of these. She was going to use it for the first time this past weekend. We jealously wished her luck and told her to report back.

We talked about toys, what works, what doesn't. It's hard to find a nice shop, geared toward women, for things we're looking for. We all agreed we didn't like shopping at the local porn shop because of the creep factor. We don't want to buy on line because of the amount of possible spam, and even if it is sent in a discrete box, it might fall into the wrong hands. Finding the right something is important and, honestly, don't you want to touch and feel first? I do.

This talk amongst this group of friends if refreshing. It's fun, it's playful and it's informative. It's too bad the subject of our sexual beings and the pleasure we get from it or the challenges we have have to be so disguised and talked about in such secretive manner. It's part of who we are. We're all here because of it and sheesh people, we're having sex. I understand there is a time and place for everything, I'm just glad I have a time and place to share, listen and learn and hope you do to.