Oh Just Things...

Thanks everyone to listening and commenting on my last bitch and moan session about The Wedding. I didn’t think I was really off base, but it’s just been really bugging me lately. It makes me appreciate the simple and small ceremony I had even more. We had nine people, including The Husband and myself, at the ceremony. Nine people whom we all paid for to be there. Hawaii, beach, barefoot and warm weather. For me, it was more than perfect.
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No so perfect, my eating. It’s been for the shits. I think those Cadbury Easter eggs and chocolate bunny got the best of me. I really need to get back on track and get moving again. I went for a walk over the weekend and it just wasn’t happening for me. I went swimming earlier in the week and that too, just didn’t work. Oh well… I look forward and not back. Make good decisions, and let all those good things link together to create a string of successes.
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On a lighter and brighter note, The Little Miss is just a crazy joy. Her latest vocabulary words:

Uphills = High heel shoes

Hang downs = hang nails

Assnatch = Mustache


Stuff like that makes me laugh. God, I love her.

81 Days To Go

So, there’s The Wedding in July. We’re spending a TON of money on it. Here’s roughly the breakdown:

Matron of Honor dress: $165
Airfare for 3 of us: $1300
Hotel for the 4 nights: $600
3 tickets for the baseball game out of town guests are invited to go to a couple days before the wedding: $75
Miscellaneous expenses (food/fun/cabs/etc) for the 5 days we’re out of town: $500

As all good Matron of Honors do, I’m also flying across the country Memorial Day Weekend and hosting a shower for her. I’m not including that other expense (gulp) in this since that’s really my choosing and could have not given her a shower, I suppose.

I also told her I was going to borrow a dress for The Little Miss. She wasn’t really happy about it, but the one she really wanted was almost $75. I just couldn’t do that knowing full well the free one is just as pink and just as fluffy as the other.

We’re spending, on the lean side $2600, to be there. That’s a lot of money. $2600 worth of money. I know The Bride has been a big part of my life for a long time. I know I shouldn’t be so bitter about all of this, but I am. I know she’s busy making sure the blue in our dresses doesn’t clash with the blue in the room where the reception is going to be held. I know she’s busy tasting wedding cakes and making sure she has a photographer that remembers to take off the lens cap. I know she’s busy. I know there’s lots of things to think about. But when I don’t hear from her for weeks, even after I email her, except for getting the generic “check out our wedding website for exciting new updates about our wedding” emails, I get a bit pissed.

Is what I’m feeling wrong? I hate that I’m feeling this way. I wish I could just be super happy for her. I wish I could just set aside the cost. I wish I didn’t have to think about the time, and effort we’re putting forth. But, I can’t. Maybe it’s because I can’t imagine asking people to spend that much money, time and effort on me. I’m just one family. There’s a lot of other families who have more kids and more logistical challenges to overcome to make it to the wedding. It just seems to be asking a lot. I couldn’t do it, it’s not right for me. And do we still have to buy a wedding present?

Thoughts on The Passing

We’re trying to adjust to life without The Uncle. It comes and goes in waves. I’m sad, The Husband even more so. 55 years old, heart attack. Gone. Suddenly.

The family was able to harvest some of his organs and give life to someone that might not have been able to live without our tragedy. I hope, the transplants took and I hope their families are as grateful and happy as we are heartbroken. That is life. Ups. Downs. It doesn’t always happen the way we think it should, but it happens the way it’s suppose to.

We spent time with The Aunt. Valium induced calmness. Waves of tears whenever someone new showed up to share her grief. There are so many people around. I wonder what it will be like for her when this storm passes and the quietness of solitude loudly ringing in her ears. In a week, when the last family member retreats back into routine, she’ll be home, alone. What will those days and especially nights be like. She doesn’t have a job to go back to. No normal routine to take comfort in, since her normal was to be with her also retired husband. She’s never lived alone. Quiet. Thoughts. Grief. Tears. Anger. Dying so soon was not the deal, but it is now.

Which way will life turn?

Make the best of this life.

Good-Bye...

Well I had a post, in my mind, all ready to write. I bitchy post. A post about what’s been bugging me lately. But, then things changed.

A call. 2:10am. Never good.

We had been at his house earlier that night for our bi-weekly Family Night dinner. He had grilled some meat. We chatted, laughed, and watched the kids run around the house playing hide-and-go-seek. About 8:30, time to go. We hugged, we kissed, and we said our “I love you’s.” And we meant it. As The Husband and I were leaving his Uncle’s house we never thought it would be the last time we would see him.

The Husband grew up without his father, his uncle was the male figure who had been in The Husband’s life the longest. The one that showed him the ropes. The one that taught him so many lessons. Although only separated by 10 years or so, his uncle was his role model, his mentor, his confidant, and his friend. They got each other. They bantered, they laughed and I could see the influence he has had on The Husband.

You fell in love with a teenager with a baby, married her and were still in love with her and she with you, for the last 40 years. You were a solid foundation. You were a real man. A man who has fiercely stood by and protected his family. You provided house and more importantly, home to your family. You made us all laugh, and last night you made everyone cry.

We will miss you, but I can just picture you now, in your big blue chair watching all of us as if we were in the big 60” HDTV you always wanted.

Musings From the Grocery Store

Go read this.

What I Thought of Last Night

American Idol Recap

Lil: Done. Bye-Bye…

Danny: Love. But you remind me of Robert Downey Jr.

Kris: Biggest surprise of the night for me

Allison: Worst dressed

Adam: The screeching has got to stop. I know the judges LOVE you, but me, no not so much

Matt: Glad you made it back for one more week, but this might be your last. Bottom 3.

Anoop: Your name is fun to say but you’re a gonner this week, or next

Roses are a Hassle But...

When we first moved into our home, nearly three years ago, I was so thrilled there was a rose garden with mature plants which were producing beautiful roses. Little did I know how much time I would spend maintaining those 20 plants. It seems as though I am constantly cutting flowers which are past their bloom, feeding the plants, weeding around them, pruning, spraying and what not. It kinda makes me crazy, but looky what I picked from my garden this morning...

I suppose it’s worth the effort, but I do know why roses seem like they are for retired people with lots of time on their hands.

I Can't Get Enough of These

I got on eating kicks where I can literally eat the same thing every single day for weeks. My latest food obsession is this…

The Hummus, Avocado and Tomato sandwich.

It started for me about 2 weeks ago, when I was at a birthday party for one of The Little Miss’ school buddies. The parents had sandwich fixin’s and not wanting the usual, I slathered some hummus, added avocado and tomato on my bread and what do you know, it totally worked for me. Hooked from the first bite.

I use the Trader Joe’s Tuscan White Bean Hummus on their organic whole wheat bread and let me tell ya, totally delish. So if you’re looking for a light sandwich, I highly recommend it.

She's Famous!

Yep, that's The Little Miss in lights!

Her picture is also in a museum

And what she doing here?

I've been busy playing over here this morning. Check it out, do your own and post it. Leave me a comment when you do so I can head on over and check it out.

I Can't Stop Looking at My Feet

I may not be able to fit into clothes very well, but shoes… need I say more?

I L.O.V.E. these little gems I found yesterday. Target, $17.99. I got this pair and a pair of black patent leather.

A Study in Age

Genetics aside, here's living proof you should take care of yourself.

Both women, the same age.

Making Me Crazy

I mean seriously, 3 weeks after having a bebe number three and you look like this? Sheesh. Good think you seem like a great mom and a very sweet person, or else I’d really have to hate you.

This is Me

Earlier this week I was messing around with my new iphone and I took this picture of myself. At first glance it took me aback. I didn’t understand that that image was me. I don’t think I look like that. To me, that picture looks like a representation of what I think I look like. It’s like an artist’s study of an object before the real picture is painted. It’s an eye opener to look at pictures and see what other people see. The image in my mind is not what transposes into pictures. I believe we all view ourselves differently than how other people see us. I just hope what people see is beneath my skin, beyond the freckles and deeper into my soul. Because the real me is not what’s on the outside but what I keep within.

American Idol Recap

Not much going on here today, just in the middle of the crazy week, the one that just might put me over the edge.

I did manage to watch American Idol last night and here are my thoughts, for whatever they are worth.

Danny

Love you. I think you'll do just fine, regardless if you win this or not.

Kris

Not so much for me. I think you're rather boring and didn't like you at all last night. And it bugs me when you sing out of the side of your mouth.

Lil

Little, Lil, Lilly, Lillian... whatever. I'm sure you're a great singer, certainly a better singer than I could even hope to be, but really? Why are you just not getting it? Every week, I keep wishing you had done better.

Anoop

I just like saying your name. I thought you did rocked last night, but please never wear that sweater again. Please.

Allison

You'll be just fine. You may even win... maybe. Personally, you for some reason bug me. Maybe because you are 16 and still should be a kid and you just don't seem like it.

Matt

Mmmmm... I go back and forth on you. Sometimes I love you and other times you completely bore me.

Scott

Time for you to go home. You've done great, but it's time.

Adam

I find you a little annoying, but you are amazing. Especially last night. If you haven't seen it you can watch it here.

That's all I got today folks... who you likin' or not in this bunch?

Life at Three

Dear Little Miss


Last night when you went to bed you were 2 years old. The magic happened and when you woke up this morning, you were 3 years old. You know it’s your birthday and you know it means cupcakes and presents. You also know being 3 is being a big girl, which you so want to be. For your birthday you’ve asked us for things not typically girl, which I’m secretly pleased about. Dolls and pink ponies aren’t on your list, you asked for cars and a binoculars. Don’t worry, you’ll be getting both some Matchbox cars and your binoculars.

You are a super sweet and caring person. I’m proud of you beyond imagine. You know how to spell your name, along with a few other words like Mama and Papa. When you see something with three, you always say, “that one is you, that is Papa and this one is me.” You get the concept of a family of three and that is what are. And remember, you are what makes us a family.

You think you can skip, but really you are just sliding your feet along. You like to dance and want to be a “real ballerina.” You love to climb the wall at the park but are afraid of falling through the cracks once you get to the top where the slides are. I try and tell you that you are safe up there, but are still cautious and don’t believe me yet. I have confidence you will believe me, one day.

Much to your father’s disbelief, you don’t like meat or hamburgers. You like hummus, tofu and cheese, especially, “the creamy one.” At least half your meals each week involve a pasta product, especially Mac and Cheese. I’m not proud of that fact, but it’s the truth. You are reluctant to try new foods, but I keep putting them on your plate, hoping something might stick. So far this week, you tried green beans again and this time, you went for it. You love sweets and we can pretty much get you to do anything by bribing you with a gummy worm or a small piece of chocolate. I know it’s not the best way to parent, but in our reality that’s how it works.

You have grown out of Dora and are now obsessed with Yo Gabba Gabba. I’m a little afraid of that guy in the orange jumpsuit and furry hat, but you seem fine with him. You also love Tinkerbell and in your world of made up games we play Tink almost every day. Why do you always get to be her and I’m just the water fairy? I guess I shouldn’t complain, you could make me be Vidia, the mean one. You have a wild imagination, you constantly make up games,l new rules to those games and make up imaginary friends who join us on all of our adventures.

I miss you when I’m not around you. Dropping you off at school is hard for me but each day we have our routine of the 3 things we get. First is a hug, then a kiss and lastly, an “I love you.” That keeps me satisfied until I pick you up. Some days I pick you up after lunch, but lately, you’ve been wanted to stay and nap with your friends at school. Knowing you like to be there confirms to both your Papa and me that we made the right choice of schools for you. You have learned so much since there. You talk non-stop, you know your letters, numbers you get to experience yoga, dance, music and Qi Gong at school. You are sounding out words and everyone believes you will be an early reader, something you keep telling me you want to do.

Having you in my life is amazing. You make me want to be a better person and make this world a better place to live. I love you beyond anything that this world can know. I never imagined loving a person the way I love you and I know that sounds so cliché, but it’s true. Sometimes, I think my heart aches because it can’t hold any more love for you than it does. It’s a feeling deep in my soul and innate to my being.

I know you love me too because when I kiss you, I’ve caught you wiping my kisses away. I ask you what you are doing that for and your response is, “Mama, I’m not wiping them off, I’m just getting your kiss so I can keep it in my heart.” Little Miss, may your heart always be full with my kisses and love for you.

Happy 3rd birthday.

I love you,

Mama


And yes, those are the ladybug cupcakes I made yesterday for The Little Miss' school party.

Give Me a Chill Pill

I’m sensing in a few days from now, I’m going to be a complete trainwreck. Along with the normal day to day stuff that keeps us all too busy, here’s what’s on my calendar this week…

Monday
Z’s school party… make sure bring gift under $5
Little Miss swim lesson
Sign loan docs for refinance
Make ladybug cupcake for The Little Miss’ school party
Make blue cake with pink frosting and sprinkles for The Little Miss’ family party

Tuesday
The Little Miss’ 3rd birthday
Pack up above stated cupcakes
Pack up 5 “thank you” gifts for her friends at school
Get the house ready for the family party with above stated blue/pink cake
Cake and ice cream party at 6:30

Wednesday
Lunch with clients
Make a Target run for Easter things/birthday gift for The Nephew

Thursday
Brush teeth and floss
Dentist appointment… I hate the dentist!
Dinner with The Husband’s family and celebrate The Little Miss’ birthday with them

Friday
The Nephew’s birthday party
Act civil and be nice to my sister in law, even when she pretends that I’m not there
Shop for Easter food fixin’s

Saturday
Z’s park party
Start making food for Easter party
Make sure the yard is egg hunting ready

Sunday
Easter at my house with 30 adults and 10 kids…
Bite the head off a chocolate bunny before I bite the head off my lovely MIL
Clean up
Pass out
Sleep

Game ON!

I’ve totally been stalled in the weight loss arena. I think the main reason my motivation is lacking is because I’m at a place now that I haven’t been to in years. I’m lighter than when I got knocked up with The Little Miss and probably about the same size or smaller then when I got married to The Husband.

Yes, of course, I’d like to lose more, firm up and be more “in shape,” but overall I’m pleased with where I’m at right now. But, the game is on. The Husband and I are in competition. We’ve made a bet, first person to lose 10 pounds “wins.” We haven’t determined the prize, but I think it’s going to be more about bragging rights. Although I still do covet this. I have no idea what The Husband might want although I do find him fondling my iphone. Speaking of which did you know your iphone can be turned into an imoan? Now that’s one more reason I’m going to love my iphone even more.

Oh yeah, where was I? That’s right, the competition. The Husband is one of those people that can tweak one little thing in his routine and boom, the weight magically disappears. So, I’m in for some tough competition, but bring it on. I’m game and this might just be what I need to get me jump started again.

This is Why You are Fat

I'm pretty much grossed out by this, but the name of the blog caught my fancy:

This is Why You are Fat

check it out...