Mama vs The Little Miss

Breathe…

Inhale…

Exhale…

Love…

Love…

Love…



I thought my head was going to explode this morning. If I heard “no Mama, I don’t want to” one more time, it just might have. It was a super crazy morning for both of us, not at all a fun morning and I almost lost it. It’s funny thing to love someone so much it hurts, but also be so incredibly infuriated by them you just want to scream, or worse. I’m not a patient person which can make for a very toxic and bad dynamic between the two of us. But I just have to breathe… inhale, exhale and love my way through it.

And the Caption Is...

Last week I posted this picture of the ultra-sassy Little Miss and The Boy Next Door. I was having trouble putting a caption to it. So, of course, I asked all you lovelies to help me out and here was my favorite.


Thanks Tina from Fat Girl Dives In for:

If you liked it you should have put a ring on it.

Thanks everyone for playing… it was so much fun to read all of your funny captions. You’re all more clever than me.

Nakedness

Don’t ask why, but this is what I was thinking yesterday.

Just breathe and surrender to the moment, nobody is looking at you. It’s ok, everyone else is naked too.

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Also, I’m still gathering quotes for this.

You Choose the Title

This is The Little Miss and The Boy Next Door (literally.)

What do you think the caption should be?

No official prizes will be given out, but I will give a big shout out to the top few. So come on people, be creative (and nice, remember that is my daughter you're talking about) and hit me up in the comments.

A Greek Yogurt Flashback

This weekend, that first bite of Greek style plain yogurt transported me back. Just like that, I was remembering being just out of my teens, a 20 year old college student, spending my last few weeks in Greece, after a semester in England, before heading back to The States. I was young, supple, tan, uninhibited. I was free.

I remember being really broke, but somehow made my way to a Greek Island, finding a room in someone’s house with my own shower. A dollar or two a day. Perfect for what I needed and what I could afford. I’d spend my afternoons lazily basking at the beach, topless like all the girls there. Not worrying about my body, just wanting to feel the sun on my body after spending months in the English fog and rain. I was alone. My friend who traveled with me there decided to head to another island. I couldn’t afford to go, I had only enough money to stay.

The nights I’d go out with people I had met there. Other young college students, backpacking through Europe, who were also there to have a good time. We’d meet for a late dinner, then the drinks, the dancing, the partying. I’d meet boys there, who would go home with me. Too drunk or too tired to say no. It was just easier to let them enter me than to push them away. I pretended to like it. Sometimes I did. Sleep would come as he would leave and the sun came up.

In the mornings, I’d find a café. I’d sit outside drinking black coffee and eating Greek yogurt, trying to piece the previously night together and convincing myself it was ok. Lying to myself that I was an adult and was making adult decisions. I’d finish up my yogurt and coffee and head down to the beach. The blue Aegean sea helping me to recover from the madness of the night. In the process, I’d also rejuvenate for the next.

It was a fun and supremely reckless time. I haven’t thought about those days and nights on Greece much. That seems like such a lifetime ago. A different person ago. I’m not embarrassed by my behavior, proud to have lived my life, but there are stories not to be shared with everyone.

Other Places to Visit

I am here… I really am. Just swamped at work and not finding the time to blog. We’re really under pressure here at work to “make budget, hit the numbers, roll up your sleeves and make it happen.” I guess this is why it’s called work and not play. We go to work every day, we don’t go to play.

And since I’m too busy to write about my too stress and too busy a life, please go visit this funny gal. She’s one of my favorites. Or this amazing woman who has transformed herself into an athlete. What an inspiration. And this wonderfully sweet woman, who has the best attitude.

I promise to be back soon, hopefully tomorrow, with more of my boring stories to tell.

Feeling Like A Race Horse

I started going to the gym again this week after my brief hiatus because of that nasty June cold. I go to the YMCA and they have a little play room crawling with other kids and festering with germs where I put The Little Miss while I hit the cardio room. It seems to be working well for the both of us. A little playtime with other short humans for her and a little workout time for me.
I started the C25k, again. First week done, again. I had done it once, but since I was waylaid for a week I felt as though I should start again, just to give myself a fighting chance of making through. There’s the 5 minute warm up and then alternating a 60 second run with 90 seconds of walking and then 5 minutes of cool down. The whole workout lasts 31 minutes. Pretty quick and relatively easy. The runs went better than I had hoped in fact, when my little personal trainer came on to tell me to walk, I felt as though I had a more running in me. But, I’m sticking to the plan and listened, for once, to instructions.

Here’s my challenge though, when I start running I feel like I have to pee like a race horse. I’ve tried running before and have never had that sensation, is it because I’m a little older? Because I had a baby and things get stretched and pulled, down there? Help! Does this happen to anyone else? Any suggestions?

Cycle is High

I feel like I’m in a really good groove and right now it feels like my life with The Little Miss couldn’t get any better. TLM is out of school this week and she’s been spending her mornings with her former nanny/babysitter. The two of them have a very special bond and they love each other like nobody’s business. TLM lights up when I tell her she gets to go Nanny’s house and The Husband and I couldn’t be more grateful, even if we tried, that Nanny is available to us any time to help care and really, help raise TLM. We feel blessed she is in our lives and has really become part of our family. Our lives would be MUCH different and I think not nearly as fulfilling without her.

I only work until 1pm, so I’ve been rushing over to get my hands on TLM before I explode from missing her. And all this week we’ve been playing and hanging out. I’ve thrown caution to the wind and set aside nap time so we have hours of uninterrupted fun. And that’s what it’s been feeling like this week, fun, fun, fun. It’s not always like that with the two of us. Sometimes it feel like a lot of work and battling a toddler can be more frustrating and draining than you can imagine. But this week is different, we’ve been meeting friends for playdates at the zoo, hitting the beach to play in the water and sand, watering gardens for the grandparents who are out of town, and making dinner for friends.

It feels like we’re both in a good place and if you were to read our horoscopes they would probably read something like:

Cycle is high. Make the best of this time and do what feels right.

And really, isn’t that what it’s all about?

Please Say Good-Bye

I have to think that most of us consider the people whose blogs we read every day as our friends. You know that my daughter calls my pubic hair puffies , that my former in the closet gay boyfriend is semi-stalking me, and that I drink too much. And in return I know a lot about you too. I always get a little worried when my friends stop blogging and I don’t know what’s happening. It’s like I’m being punished for something that I didn’t do. So what do you think it means when people suddenly stop blogging? Too busy? Started a new site? Off the wagon?

Here’s a few of my favorite bloggers that have mysteriously disappeared, I worry about them and hope they are doing well.

There’s her and her and her and of course others.

So people, if you are not going to blog anymore, can you do me a favor and just put up a little see ya later post so I don’t have to worry about you?

Just So You Know, I've Got Puffies

This is what happens when you undress in front of your 3 year old.

The Little Miss: Look Mama you have puffies.

Me: Puffies?

TLM: Yeah, puffies. You have hair.

Me: Yes, honey, I have some hair. (no don’t COMPLETELY wax, down there.)

TLM: Why?

Me: Because that’s what happens when you become an adult.

TLM: Does Papa have puffies too?

Me: Yes honey, he does.

TLM: And he has a straight thingy too. That’s funny.

Me: Go color or something.

Lies, Lies, Lies

Lies I tell myself, and too often still believe.

I’ll have only one.

I don’t have time to exercise.

The number on the scale doesn’t matter, it’s how you feel. (But really, the number still does affect me)

Since my pants are loose, I can eat more.

I’m sure there’s a bunch more, but that’s all I can come up with on a Monday morning, pre-coffee.

What lies do you tell yourself? Please share cuz I know you all do.

This is How to Lose Weight

So yesterday after work I did as I said I would. I headed down to my local Walgreen’s and bought a neti pot. Took it home, read the instructions and filled it up. What happened next was just very strange. Basically you tilt your head to one side and pour the water in one nostril which fills up your sinuses and drains out the other side. Yeah, weird. Augh. A couple of hints, if you are planning on trying this, make sure you have some tissue handy so you don’t have to run around the house looking for something to blow your nose in while the excess water is dripping out. And also, remember to breathe out of your mouth. This is very very important. OK, so I did one side and then the next and as much as I wanted to say this was a total waste of time, it works. Totally works. Very brightly colored stuff came out my nose. I can breathe. And when I stepped on the scale this morning I was down 2 pounds. Who knew mucus weighed so much?

Here's Goes Nothing

Thanks for all the well wishes of getting better. I’m going to break down and try the neti pot for all you crazies out there that swear by it. Pouring water up my nose and watching it come out the other side was funny and entertaining as an 8 year old, but now it just looks creepy. For all of you who have never heard of it, watch the video. Of course I have a lot less facial hair and I promise I won’t try the coffee or the Scotch.

Maybe if it isn't as bad as it looks, I'll join the circus and take my show on the road.

Wish me luck.

I Need a Nose Job

I’m still fighting this cold which has really put a kink into my new C25K workout program. I was groovin’ through the first week of it and in a nice little routine when, bam! Throw me a cold. The trick now, is to maintain that momentum and get back with it as soon as I can manage to breathe. Right now, I’m still so stuffed up and want only to sleep it’s a rather pitiful picture.

I have somehow managed to drag myself to work because, why in the world would I want to use my sick days when I’m really sick when I can use them as extra vacation days? Yes, there is that whole thing about infecting other people in the office but really, I sit in a cube for 4 hours, talk to no one since all we do these days is email so no one else can hear our conversations. Our boss sits within ear shot so if we are quietly typing away it gives the appearance of the perfect, good, hard working staff that we really are. I also sit with my window open so fresh air is wafting through and I think I’m beyond the going-to-infect-anyone stage right now.

If anyone has any experience in removing noses so I can drain my sinuses and then replacing it, please, oh please let me know.

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

It still amazes me that I have readers of my blog. I’m totally thrilled that people do and it honestly it gives me a little charge knowing I get traffic to my site. So everyone out there that’s reading me, thank you. I never really thought, nor do I currently really think that what I have to say is all that important or really all that interesting. I live a rather mundane life. Home, work, and play. Repeat cycle over and over. But somehow, I manage to write it all out and people come and read.

Blogging is a funny thing. In “real life” I don’t like to talk about me, it makes me feel uncomfortable and awkward. I don’t like to boast or brag and I certainly don’t think I’m full of myself. But in this medium, it’s basically all about me. Me, me, me and I love it. So maybe I am more self centered than I think I am or maybe more interesting than I think I am or maybe you’re just really bored and are looking for something, anything to fill the time.

I love the community of bloggers out there. There are so many wonderful and amazing people with so many interesting stories to tell. I’d love to learn more about the people that come and visit, so be brave, and come on out of the dark shadows. I am always looking for new sites to visit so if you’re one of the many lurkers out there, leave me a comment so I can get to you! I promise I don’t bite.

By the Numbers

Here’s a breakdown of my weekend by the numbers:

2 Boxes of tissues I went through

328 Times I blew my nose (number is approximate)

36 Number of hours I slept since Friday

0 Days I worked out

4 Books checked out at the library

1 Book finished

4 Number of dolphins I saw while having lunch on Saturday

30 Number of fingers and toes I painted

1 Mailbox painted

13 Loads of laundry done

1 Baseball game attended

1 Hotdog eaten

6 Hours of playing with Play-Do

1250 Approximate calories saved by not drinking this weekend

2 Pounds gained this weekend…whatever

edit to note: I am not sad, just got a nasty ass cold. augh.

My Body

Dear Body,

How is it that I know I was only given one of you when I consistently never take as good a care of you, as you do of me. For 43 years, you have given me good health, birthed babies and provided me with the strength to do so much. It is because of you that I am here and I will continue to rely on you to carry me through this life.

And in return for all you have given me, I feel as though I haven’t treated you well. I am sorry. There’s been too many years where you have just taken the abuse with little or no retaliation. What I have fed you isn’t what you deserve. Too much sugar for you to process, too much fat to store and too many chemicals, which I’m sure have polluted you in ways I don’t even understand. I know you need exercise to stay healthy, but why do I seem so resistant to give you what you need? Is it my mind’s own laziness? It must be because you, my body, are always willing to do what I ask. Never have you failed when called upon to move me from one place to the next. You are always willing and I must start giving you more of what you what you need.

My body, I have put you in jeopardy. For that, I am regretfully sorry. I can’t change the past, but I can change the future.

Thank you for all the years we’ve been together. You have given me more than I can imagine and now it’s my turn to thank you. I will feed you food that will strengthen you, to give you the power and energy to function and stay healthy. I will exercise you so you may feel the exhilaration of movement. I will push you and make you do things you never thought possible. I will treat you with respect. I will honor you.

Love,

Me

Recap of the Current Life

I made it through my 2nd C25k workout and I totally pick puffy heart love the iphone app for the work out. My legs have that wonderful soreness from workouts that I’ve missed lately and it’s nice to have it back. I’m sure with the weekly increase in running times I’ll hopefully have that “I’ve been working out” feeling for a while.

On all the other fronts, things are good. The in-the-closet-gay former boyfriend emailed me again this week. This time, about some mutual friend that has turned into quite the “player” in the social world around these parts. Whatever dude, move on and get a life.

On the drinking front, or rather the very abbreviated drinking front, all is good. The bewitching hour comes and I know it’s there and I move on. Have I thought about having a glass of wine, yes. Is it easy for me to pass on it? Kinda. Knowing the potential outcome, it’s really easy to pass. But, do I miss it? yes. It’s all good for now and the occasions that I do have a glass or two will be all the better.

The only thing from The Bride this week is she wants to know who wants to get their hair/make-up done for the wedding. I can handle my own make-up. The hair thing, well… I’d really like to have someone do it but for a blow-dry, $60. If they do anything else to it, $120. For my hair, no. Luckily, I have a friend who owns a hair salon in town and she told me to come in, free of charge, and she’d teach me how to do a simple style for the wedding. She’d even let me borrow any equipment I may need. How nice is that!?

The Fire Family is moving out of the hotel and into a house next week. Finally. They are paying, or rather their insurance is paying $7300 a month for it. Yes, that’s right, $7300 a month. At that rate I think the insurance money is going to run out before their house is rebuilt, but that’s just speculation. Regardless, they are getting totally ripped off and the landlord should be ashamed of him/herself.

The Little Miss is being crazy and sweet as ever. Her latest wordisms:

Upscalator = the escalator that’s going up

Downscalator = the escalator that’s going down

Oh, if life could be that simple.

Week 1 Day 1

First, thanks for all the lovely comments I got from yesterday’s post. Yes it was difficult, but it is my reality. Real life isn’t always pretty and I am who I am, take it or leave it. Like me or not. Judge me how you will. It’s still my life.

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Yesterday I started the all famous Couch to 5k or better known as the C25k program. I went on their website to print out my schedule and found the COOLEST iphone app. How it works is you choose one of your own playlists from your ipod and it gives you audio alerts of what you need to do next. So in the middle of whatever song you’re listening to a voice comes on and says something like, “get your lazy ass going and run.” Well, actually, there’s a beep and then the voice just says “run,” or “walk” or whatever action needs to be taken. It keeps a counter of the total work out time and also a timer of the segment that you are working on, so you know exactly where you are in the workout. Totally cool and makes keeping track of alternating walking/running easy peasy.

I made it through the Week 1 Day 1 work out pretty easily. 31 minutes total and over 2 miles. As you can tell by my times, I didn’t walk or run very fast. But I did it. I’ve always wanted to be “a runner.” I just hope at 43, it’s not too late.

I Have a Problem

I drink wine every day. Two or more glasses every single day. Yep, I do. There, I’ve said it. More drinking on days where we have friends over and that happens to be at least twice a week. And all that drinking, my friends, has to stop.

Last Saturday night we went to a local upscale “camping” resort where they have a band, bonfires and picnic areas where you can bring your own dinner/drinks. We went, with the Fire Family, for a night out, the monkeys running around entertaining themselves and the adults snacking and drinking and drinking and drinking.

That’s how it always seems to be, them playing, us drinking. Me drinking. More. A lot. Too much. I stumble to bed, my sleep is horrible, I wake up, mouth parched and unrested. I toss and turn, wake up at 2am for more aspirin and there are just too many days I feel like crap in the morning.

After Saturday’s binge, I’ve put an end to it. No more drinking on school nights, the exception is when we have friends over, and then it’s only a glass or two, not a bottle or two. Time to scale way back and honestly, it’s going to be hard. I’I look forward to walking to the wine cooler, every day at 5 o’clock and pulling out a bottle. Wondering little nugget am I going to enjoy. The first sip, heaven. The last, not as memorable, in fact almost always forgotten.

There are too many blank holes in my memory. Things I don’t remember. Too many times I’ve had to ask The Husband if I made an ass out of myself. Too many times I’ve wonder if I was slurring my words. Too much to lose if I keep on this path. Too many bad examples being set.

I don’t know exactly when it was that I started drinking every night, but I think it was about the time when The Little Miss appeared in my life. I needed the relief. The break from reality. The break from the fact that I was a MOM. Holy shit! Me? A mom. You’ve got to be kidding. I was 40 years old, and never thought I’d be a parent and that transition was hard. Really really hard for me. I needed something and wine was my drug of choice. Easy to get, socially acceptable and something I already knew a lot about.

So I’m choosing a different path. One of more responsibility and maturity. The one I was on before. A drink. A glass. Not every night, but on some nights. Special nights. On occasions.

It Brought a Tear to My Eye

On Friday I sent The Little Miss off to school and the she had a planned overnight with her former nanny which she has been looking forward to since I mentioned it earlier in the week. Knowing I wouldn’t see the monkey until the next day we gave her extra hugs and kisses. I was going to miss her.

Me: Ok, baby, give Mama extra hugs and kisses since I’m not going to see you until tomorrow.

TLM: Ok mama, I love you.

Me: I love you too. Does it make you sad that we’re not going to see each other until tomorrow?

TLM: No, I won’t miss you.

Me: Really? How come?

TLM: Because Mama, you’re always with me in my heart.

Seriously? From a 3 year old? I love that little creature.