I'm A Bad Blogger

I’ve been a bad blogger as of late. To me, writing and posting is only part of blogging. The other component is reading and commenting on what everyone else had decided to share with the world. And that’s where I’ve come up short the past couple of weeks. I blog at work. And when work is busy, my fun gets pushed to the side. Lately in my work world, I’ve been busy. Really busy. I work partially on commission which means when I get the opportunity, I need to really push. I wish I could easily flip my priorities and blog more and work less, but that’s not a possibility right now.

So seriously people, I want to thank you all for sticking with me, reading and leaving your precious comments, even when I’ve been so bad about getting to you all. I want to tell you I will get around to the hundreds of posts lined up in my Google Reader, but I won’t. I want to tell you I will be back to commenting soon, but I won’t. I want to tell you things will get slower at work, but they won’t. I’m not sure when this title wave of work will recede but when I do, I’ll shift again into being a better blogger.

In the mean time, my shout out of the week goes to Gigi at Chunky Monkey Mama who makes me laugh. She left this comment:

I'd have the little darling's eyes tested.

after reading this post.

That was brilliant.

Just Something You Should Ever Do

To the lady who was talking on her cell phone in the public bathroom at the airport,

What’s the deal? Was what you were blabbering about so important that you had to have that conversation while you were “voiding” your bodily fluids? Did the other person think that all the flushing from the toilets was just static on the line?

Did you think that it was ok? Because, it’s not. There is absolutely NO reason you need to have a conversation on your phone while you are taking a dump, especially in the stall next to me. Absolutely no reason. At. All. N.O.N.E.

That was totally gross, disgusting and rude.

Don’t ever do that again, please.

Thank you.

Cost, $17.80

I’m lucky enough to live in a town which has a Farmer’s Market I can easily get to any day of the week. Lately I’ve been going, with The Little Miss, every Tuesday to pick up fruit and produce for the week. Every week, there is so much I want to get and every week, I stick to my guns and buy only what I think we’ll be able to eat..

I thought I share with you all, just a bit of the wonders of our market.

To me, tomatoes are the epitome of summer

My favorite herb seller, all organic

Peppers, eggplant, squash, tomatoes, eggs

Berries, berries, berries...think of all the fruit pies!

Rows and rows of peaches

Beautiful Gerber Daisies

This is what I ended up buying from the market yesterday. I'll supplement the bounty of beans, tomatoes, squash, peppers and herbs from my own garden and be set for the week.

1 cantaloupe, 1 white peach, 2, yellow peaches, 3 nectarines, 2 gala apples (the first of the season), 2 bunches of grapes, 1 basket of raspberries, 1 basket of strawberries and one head of lettuce... cost $17.80.

Sometimes the Truth Hurts

What The Little Miss told me the other day:

“Mama, your tummy is getting big”

Ouch.

Menu Planning Monday

I know when I plan in advance I tend to better, in fact much better, with my eating for the week. It’s also nice to have a plan so when I go to the market, I know what I’m getting and can stay focused and not buy food that will sit and rot in the fridge. So, here’s the menu for the week.

Monday: Dinner at my mom’s house

Tuesday: The Husband is working late so The Little Miss and I are going out for sushi. There’s a Japanese restaurant in town that has all the sushi ½ off from 5p-6p which then make this outing someone affordable. The Little Miss will eat edamame, rice and tofu, while I feast on my favorites.

Wednesday: Orzo with grilled chicken, fresh garden tomatoes, thyme, and feta cheese

Thursday: Dad’s coming over for dinner so we’ll cook one of his favorites, grilled salmon. From my garden we’ll pick lettuce and tomatoes for a salad and pick fresh green beans which I’ll steam and add a bit olive oil.

Friday: Pasta with homemade pesto, shrimp, tomatoes and shaved parmesan cheese. Served with squash from the garden.

Saturday: BBQ day… Buffalo burgers (from Trader Joes), watermelon, and green salad

Sunday: Homemade pizza night.

What’s on the menu at your house?

If Haven't Already...

Go see this movie. It will change your life.

Wordless Wednesday

From my garden

More Wedding Stuff...

The Bride and Me

“Call me when you get in,” she said. “We’re having a BBQ at the house and I’d love for you to come.”

I called. No answer. No call back.

That’s how it started.

I tried to set aside my negativity about the whole affair. It wasn’t fair to her or me to be the one that brought things down. My friend seemed happy and that’s what I wanted her to be. I tried to channel her energy. Excitement. Bridal bliss. Being the one that finally is walking down the aisle last. I had my turn and now it was hers.

I didn’t see The Bride until the next morning. She looked tired. I figured it was from all the last minute planning that needed to be done, but it wasn’t that. I later found out from her sister the reason for the big bags under her eyes. He’s a night owl and “she can’t go to bed until he does.” I couldn’t respond since things like that don’t exist in my world. My picture was becoming more clear. This is just another way for him to control her.

The days before the wedding went quickly. The Husband and the Little Miss went off doing their thing. Touring around Washington, seeing pandas at the zoo and eating ice cream in the warm weather. They were having fun. I ran errands for The Bride. Things that still needed doing. Although I missed my family, I was happy to help. I needed to help to connect myself more with this wedding. Although I was very happy to be so far away for all of the planning, I needed this time to bring myself into the reality of the moment. This transition in my friend’s life.

The wedding went off without a hitch and no one was the wiser to all the last minute chaos. A full Catholic Mass followed by a reception full of sin. The blue in the banquet room didn’t clash with the blue of our dresses, which was once a concern. Bright flower centerpieces made the room pop. Everything looked spectacular.

The beauty of the wedding seemed to flawlessly cover up my distaste for Mr. Buzzkill like a pretty veneer. Much of the actual day, I was truly happy and excited. A new life for them together. I had hope. I even had thoughts of “this just might work.”

But all that excitement has now faded. And now my skepticism about the whole marriage is back. How could you be with someone who dictates when you go to bed? who tells you what gym you can go to? what friends you can have? what jobs you can apply for? But on the other hand, how can you let someone control you like that? How can my strong independent, free thinking friend morph into someone I don’t recognize?

I don’t think this marriage will work. But I do know I flew across the nation to be the Matron of Honor at her wedding. To be with my friend for better or worse. For richer or poor and in sickness and in health.

___________________________________________

And yes, I did delete the picture of Mr. Buzzkill. Although I thought the comparison was perfect, I wasn't feeling good about posting what I had.

Details to Follow...

I’m back.

Wedding over.

I survived.

Hope they are happy.

Wedding Bells

Rush, rush, rush. That’s what this week is going to be. We leave on Wednesday for Washington DC for The Wedding. The one where I had to buy my “Matron of Honor” (can that sound any more frumpy?) dress, buy my silver strappy sandals, the one that is costing $350 a ticket to fly across the country, the one that is costing $180 ( or so) a night for a hotel room, the one that that I’m not paying over $100 to get my hair done, the one that The Husband is not going to pay $130 to play golf the day before, the one where The Groom, Mr.Buzzkill, was “concerned about the quality of the dress” I bought for The Little Miss.

This is the wedding of a friend of mine who I have known for about 15 years. I love her dearly. But sadly she is not the person I have known. When she met Mr.Buzzkill she was involved in a book club. Today, no. Why? Because he didn’t like some of the girls in the group. When I ask her for book recommendations, she can’t tell me the last book she read. Why? Because Mr.Buzzkill likes to watch TV all the time (even in bed at night) and she can’t read when it’s on. When she wanted to join a gym… no. Because he wanted her to go across town to work out at the gym at his office building. When she wanted to apply for an opening in her company that wouldn’t net her more money but would give her more experience, no. Because, he didn’t like the idea of her changing jobs if more money wasn’t involved. The one who use to go to the movies, all the time. Now? No, because he doesn’t like to go. Shopping or lunching with her girlfriends? No. Not unless Mr.Buzzkill has other things planned for himself. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t want her to leave him. It’s all too freakish. This is a friend that if we met today, I just don’t know if we’d have much in common.

I’m not sure where our friendship will be in a year or two or ten. We are not nearly as close as we were a couple of years ago, before Mr. Buzzkill came into her life. And I understand all that. Priorities shift. There’s now a new person in the mix. That’s all fine and good. But when so much about her has changed, it’s hard for me to wrap my brain around it. It’s hard for me to watch my friend, who was so strong and dynamic, fold at every corner to his whim. “Why give in?” I asked her once. “Because it’s easier,” she said. That made my heart sink.

But as I’m there this week putting on my happy face for her, I also have to remember, this is also the wedding of a friend of mine who I have known for about 15 years and I’ve never seen her so happy. I don’t understand the dynamics. It’s not my job to. It’s her relationship and she’s happy. He’s happy. They are happy. I’m not sure if this is forever happy, but I wish them well and all the blessing in the world.

Raise Your Glasses, Let's Toast!

A while back I admitted I had a problem. A drinking problem. A problem that found me on too many nights drinking too much. A problem that made me wake up in the morning feeling like crap. I was drinking a couple glasses a night, and on many occasions much more than that. If we had friends over, I’d find a couple empty wine bottles in the trash. Often times, it was much more than that.

I made a conscious decision to change that behavior. I had to. On so many levels, it wasn’t good for me. I didn’t like what I was showing The Little Miss and I didn’t like having to try and piece the blank holes in my memory back together. It started out slow, but before I knew it, I was drinking every night, looking forward to the hour when I thought it was acceptable to open the bottle.

That hour now passes without notice. I still have an occasional glass of wine. It’s not something I need every night. It’s not even something I crave or even think of every night. I still love having my wine and I think I love it more than ever because now, it’s a special occasion. It’s a happy occasion. It’s no longer one ending into a spiral of darkness.

In the 38 days or so since I made the change in my life, I have probably saved about $400 in wine and a a lot more in calories. Both of those are great but what is even better is I feel so much human. I feel so much more alive. I have more energy. I’m more vibrant. And really that's what I need with a 3 year old running me ragged everyday.

So, let’s toast to not drinking so much!

Food Comes From Farms, Not Factories

As parents, we spend an inordinate amount of time talking about what kinds of foods our kids are eating or rather what kinds of foods they are still won’t eat. There’s cookbook after cookbook about how to sneak veggies into your kids without them knowing. My approach is I keep trying and trying and eventually, something will click and what do you know, The Little Miss is taking bites of something green and healthy. Do I wish it wasn’t such a struggle? Yes. Do I wish she would eat more vegetables? Yes. Do I wish she ate less Mac and Cheese? Yes. But does she eat really well? Yes. Very well. Very healthy and as much whole foods and organic as I can afford.

For the past several weeks, every Tuesday, after picking The Little Miss up from school, we go to our local farmer’s market and pick out our fresh produce for the week. She can’t wait to pick out an apple or nectarine and walks though the stalls with me. She gets to make choices. She picks fruit out and will find them washed and portioned out in her lunch box for the week. She gets excited about what she finds and shares stories with her friends. It’s a fun learning experience and she now knows that food comes from farms and not factories.

Is it more expensive than going to a supermarket? Yes and no. Dollar wise, it probably is. But the cost to the environment, it doesn’t even compare. Carbon footprints on food at the farmer’s market is low. We are getting food basically grown within a 50 mile (or in most cases much less) radius of our home, so transportation cost is minimal. There isn’t any packaging. You pick produce and fruit right out of bins so no plastic bags, no containers. We’re supporting our local farmers who work so hard. It’s not easy to work. It’s back breaking and they are so reliant on factors you can’t control. Bugs, fungus, weather.

The smells fill the air with sweetness. The colors burst. I feel alive and motivated to eat better.

This is what food is suppose to be. Fresh. Colorful. Inspiring.

Blink

The cursor on my screen has been blinking at me since Monday. I’m drawing a blank. Nothing new to say. It’s frustrating.

Blink.

Blink.

Blink.

Where are the words that usually flow? Come hither. Come play. Come dance off my finger tips.

Blink.

Blink.

Blink.

Maybe tomorrow.

Building Sandcastles

It’s really funny how life unfolds. On Friday The Little Miss and I went to the beach with a couple of my friends. What’s really nice is that my friends, both of whom I have been friends with for over 10 years, both have daughters within 2 ½ years of The Little Miss. All three girls go to the same preschool. A preschool that has a total of 6 children enrolled. My friends and I are all of “advanced maternal age” and we were just marveling at how, at this point of our lives, all three of us ended up as moms.

My friends fought hard to be moms. Between the two of them, I’ve witnessed 7 miscarriages. Each time, a very sad occasion and as the years passed, it became more and more unlikely that either would become moms. Then 4 years ago, the first of us had a pregnancy that stuck. The baby came early and fought to be here, but a fighter she was. Then me, the fertile one. The one who got pregnant, right off the bat. I had been on birth control for nearly 2o years and within 2 months of going off the pill, I got myself knocked up.

I remember the last of the three of us, still motherless, who by this time had had 4 miscarriages, came by my house and handed me a bag of maternity clothes. Bravely congratulating me and holding back her tears.

“I don’t think I’ll be needing these” she said as she handed me the clothes. It was as if she was not only giving me the clothes, but passing on her neatly folded dreams and hopes.

I was speechless. What could I say? I was overwhelmed by her thoughtfulness. I wrapped my arms around her, we hugged tight and I listened, as the tears fell. I wished I could give her what I had. What she wanted so badly.

Three months later, I gave her back those clothes.

“I think you’ll be needing these,” I said.

Fast forward 3 years and as unlikely and impossible as it seemed, all 6 of us were at the beach building sandcastles and dreams for our future.

Get Your DVR's Ready

Speaking of hearting things, I’m looking forward to watching Ruby again. I got caught up on a marathon of it a while back and was so charmed by her. She’s a real person with real struggles, check it out. Starts today.

Happy 4th

There might be some things I don’t like about our country, but there’s an awful lot of things I do like. Think about our freedoms, our rights. We can speak our minds. We have religious freedoms. We have choices. We have a voice. We have a president whom I trust. A president who is making choices that I (generally) agree with and a president who is bringing back the respect of America.

Even with all the hardships we are facing, and all the hardships America has caused on the world, right now, I’m proud to be an American.

We’ll be going to the typical American 4th of July cookout. Hotdogs, hamburgers, BBQ chicken, potato salad, lemonade and beer. It really doesn’t get much better than that. We’ll be watching fireworks from the house we’ll be at and enjoying our family and friends.

I hope you all have a wonderfully safe and happy 4th.

Here's the dress I made for The Little Miss... I so super love it!

Oh Sweet Sugar

Why is it that people think that “sugar free” is a good thing? You’re just replacing sugar with an artificial sweetener. Isn’t natural better?

You obviously know where I stand on this issue.

Promises Made

I went to my doctor yesterday to get a couple things checked out. My blood pressure is barely hanging in there. I’ve been on a super low dose of medication for a few years now and so far that’s been working, more or less. Both, my doctor and I would like to see the numbers a little lower since they are just on the borderline of the high side of normal. For now, he is going to keep me at the same dose as what I am currently taking. It would be lovely to get off all meds, but with a strong family history of high blood pressure it’s very unlikely. In the mean time, he told me to lose 10 pounds and I would see improvement.

“Promise,” he said.

Which leads me to this question? How come I’m having such a struggle with the last 10-15 pounds? So far, I’ve dropped 20-25 pounds but lately I lose and gain the same 4 or so pounds over and over For months. Up. Down. Up. Down. It’s been a bit frustrating. I think part of my stall is because I can look at myself in the mirror now and be ok with it. Of course there are things I’d like differently, but I’m a normal human being and not some Hollywood superfreak. I generally feel good about myself and from year ago there’s been a huge difference. A difference that I’m happy with.

So help me my peeps, what can I do to motivate myself to work down those last few pounds? I told my doctor when I see him in 6 weeks, I’d be a few pounds lighter.

“Promise,” I said.